Alvaro Castillo cackled for 20 to 30 seconds after joking about the bumper-sticker slogan "Guns don't kill people, people do."
"You could kill someone with a chair if you hit them a lot of times," he said in a video shown in court Thursday afternoon. "So, what, should we get chair control?"
"Chair control!" he repeated with a grin as his wild laughter finally ebbed and his visage darkened. "I can't take this anymore. I feel so depressed. ... I don't care anymore."
Castillo had made the video for "detectives" to find after his planned murder-suicide at Orange High School, his alma mater. He is charged with fatally shooting his father, Rafael, 65, and assaulting students at the high school Aug. 30, 2006, and has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity.
Never miss a local story.
Thursday morning had been taken up by another video, a suicide message Castillo made months earlier for Anna, a classmate and the object of his teenage obsession.
Together, the videos revealed a young man full of contradictions.
He called himself a potential pedophile and rapist and admitted a foot fetish. Yet he boasted of his own "eternal virginity" and criticized his male friends who viewed pornography, disrespected women and wanted only to "get laid."
He complained about foul language and temptation everywhere, yet confessed an addiction to movies, most of them rated R for language and violence.
He mourned humanity's running from a loving God, yet believed the same God had prevented his suicide so he could execute a Columbine-style massacre.
He insisted the Orange High attack was not revenge, yet warned that victims of teasing or other abuse are likely to "strike back."
He called his Army National Guard drill sergeants "sharks" who "psychologically tortured" him like he said his father had, yet maintained that animals are morally superior to humans and would one day "rule the world."
He lamented violence while declaring his love for guns and planning a mass murder. He believed he had to kill students to save them from evil.
"Teenagers are decadence. Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. I don't want my children and I don't want anyone else's children to do that," he said.
Castillo said he had not been able to cope with evil in the world or in himself since experimenting with sex and seeing pornography as a child. He became sexually aroused by a 3-year-old boy when he was 15, he said in the videos, and had believed he deserved to die. He thought his only options were suicide or shock therapy.
"I am not going to go through that. I would rather die than go through that," he said. "Therapy. That could take years. I don't want it to take years. I want it to be immediately. That's how the world should work."
Ashamed of his shyness, Castillo grieved that he could not approach a potential romantic partner, and he transferred romantic feelings onto the guns he named Anna and Arlene and slept with.
"Weapons are not like people," he said. "They don't reject you. They need you. I wanted something that could not reject me."
In the video he sent to classmate Anna in April 2006, Castillo put a shotgun shell into his mouth and laughed. He recorded the Mossberg 12-gauge shotgun he had bought at Wal-Mart in honor of Columbine shooter Eric Harris. On it he had written Anna's name and affixed her photograph.
"Look at the size of this thing," Castillo told the camera, grinning and laughing with his eyes bulging.
"I love weapons," Castillo said, caressing the shotgun as it lay on his bed. "I love 'em with all my heart.
"Seven days, Anna. It'll all be over, Anna," Castillo said. "I won't bother you again."
Rafael Castillo arrived home early and foiled his son's suicide attempt seven days later.
Alvaro Castillo spent the next week in involuntary commitment but was able to purchase another shotgun just days later.
Throughout the videos, Castillo argued with himself, taking on the perspective of whoever might be watching.
"The human race is sick, demented, insane and a horrible plague on the world," he said. "I know you're saying calm down, try to forget about it, people are like that. Exactly. People are like that. And people like that should not exist."
He said his mother would tell him not to think about the world's evil.
"Right now do you realize that someone is probably getting killed or raped or tortured?" he said. "I have to think about it."