Living off death of a store
Saunders: This is not how Jerry Crutsfield saw his life unfolding. He had no sign.
Child's race not the issue
Saunders: It's the gays, no doubt about it. No, wait. It's those darned communal-living enclaves. Scratch that. It's Duke University and President Obama. That's who done it. Predictably irrational responses from the usual Internet riffraff.
Easy as Thanksgiving pie
Saunders: On a classic episode of "Sanford & Son," Lamont was trying to persuade his father, Fred, to give up smoking.
Disclose Dino's despoilers
Saunders: What's that you say, Fred? Who killed Dino?
Death to the dwotters
Saunders: If it weren't for that little misunderstanding several years ago with the female undercover police officer in Atlanta -- the one standing on the corner in hot pants at 2 a.m.
The joke's on them
Saunders:Late-night talk show host David Letterman was forced to issue a mea culpa to Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter Willow after targeting the pair with gutter humor during one of his monologues this week.
ConAgra family grieves
Saunders:Like veterans of a particularly gruesome battle or some other traumatic event, they came, sorrow etched in their faces.
Laettner aplomb unshaken
Saunders:Got some bad news for Duke basketball haters out there -- and there is, admittedly, no greater hater of Duke hoops than I.
Missing a brain in head case
Saunders:"Hey, wait a minute. We're supposed to be the ones with the little brains, right?"
This gang builds character
Saunders:Everyone wants to keep kids out of gangs, right?
Have you seen Fowler?
Saunders:Yo, Fowler. Where are you, man? Somebody's looking for you.
It's the same old story
Saunders:Heck, I'd have done the same thing myself.
Shoulda walked it off, Tom
Saunders:Hmm, the man is over 50, unmarried, loves tennis and often hums the tune "I Feel Pretty" from the Broadway musical "West Side Story" while jogging.
Drop the pork, and run away
Saunders:Hey, sisterwoman. Put down the rib. Now walk away verrrry slowly.
Artist, interrupted
Saunders:As an artist, Vita Jones is single-minded, blissfully spending 14 to 16 hours a day, five days a week, at the easel.
Easley pals drop like flies
Saunders:And another one bites the dust.
.38 slug can chill romance
Saunders:I got off lucky. Kristel K. Rider only told me to go to hell. She may have tried to send her boyfriend there.
They have a lucrative dream
saunders:Yo, Doc. You reckon you might want to rethink that whole "content of their character" thing?
Got a brand new bag
Saunders:By a show of hands, who has ever laughed at the people you see bringing their own canvas shopping bags to the grocery store?
Give ex-cons a chance
Saunders:If you're someone who actually has a life, you won't remember dialogue from the first episode of "The Beverly Hillbillies."
Tired gun argument takes a hit
Saunders:Aw man, this could be bad news.
Visiting Wal-Mart incognito
What's that, you say? Save the mask? Don't throw away the fake beard?
His gripe is a bit irregular
With friends like Eric Rudolph, the Olympic Centennial Park bomber, who needs enemas?
In politics, they're feverish about flu
Man, that's a whole lot of wasted chitlins.
Wal-Mart spreads the green
OK, maybe we can now lose the fake beards, masks and other disguises. Gee, some of us may even be able to enter Wal-Mart in the daytime again.
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