They seek payback, not pay

Only a heartless misanthrope would argue against giving something to the dear, sweet former Duke lacrosse players who have been through such an ordeal.

Why, I think one of them even spent an hour in custody -- not in jail, but waiting for a magistrate to finish his lunch so daddykins could post bail.

The players are asking for $30 million. That seems a bit high for the inconvenience they suffered, but they certainly deserve some recompense. After all, the strippers they hired didn't even finish their hootchy-kootchy dance.

How about a compromise figure? Instead of $30 million, how about a fish sandwich, a Yoo-hoo and a one-way Greyhound bus ticket?

Like a bad rash, the Duke lacrosse case has become the gift that keeps on giving. Settling it is probably the only medicine that will make it go away. Thus, the city should offer to foot the former players' legal fees and promise to reform the dysfunctional cop shop to ensure that no one else suffers what they did.

The city, as councilman and mayoral candidate Thomas Stith said, bears some "accountability" for its role in this mess, but $30 million is far more accountability than is owed to Reade Seligmann, Dave Evans and Collin Finnerty.

None of them went to jail, but I may: If the city settles and pays an exorbitant amount without a fight, I'm going down to City Hall and slap somebody. A jury may rule that enough of an injustice was committed that the former players deserve to get paid, but shouldn't the award bear some relationship to the actual suffering?

What, did they miss the season finale of "Friends" while waiting for a magistrate?

Much of the media were too quick to demonize the little darlings when charges surfaced that they had raped an exotic dancer. As if to make up for that, most media have gone the other way, deifying the Blue Demon 3 and making them out to be victims of an evil woman and an even more evil judicial system.

Judging by the amount they're seeking, it appears they themselves have come to believe the hype that they are somehow heroic and deserving.

Heroes deserve their own song, so here, sung to the tune of that 1960s classic "Abraham, Martin & John," is my homage to three more heroes. Maestro, hit it:

Has anybody here seen my old friends Dave, Reade & Collin?

Can you tell me where they've gone?

They hired themselves a stripper

But they're the ones who got paid

I just looked around, and they were gone --

probably to an island they purchased with the $30 million they extorted from the city of Durham.

Sure, they're owed something, but so are many others who daily suffer worse in-court indignities. Do they honestly believe they deserve more than Dwayne Dail, the innocent Goldsboro man just released after spending 18 years in prison on a rape charge? The $20,000 he'll receive for each year in prison is not justice.

The Dukies have gone beyond seeking justice. They're being greedy and retributive. If they get $30 million, they will have done to the city what Mike Nifong said they did to that dancer.