The 'fist bump' and other hazards

It was the sign heard ... OK, not heard, but seen ... around the world. Illinois Sen. Barack Obama moves to the stage and his wife, Michelle, after introducing him, holds out her fist, and he then gives her a little bump with his fist, and commentators spend the next two days -- nothing like those cable analysts, is there, folks? -- trying to figure out what it all means.

"Wolf Blitzer here, with the best political team on television on CNN. James Carville, what's your take on the Obamas' fist bump?"

"Wolf, it's kinda like we used to do back in Loooosana, where we call it the 'Baton Rouge bump' and it was a direct threat to Bill and Hillary Clinton ... the beginning of the fist bump conspiracy."

"Let's go to Candy. What's your take?"

"Wolf, Obama's advisers have been planning this for days. It's clearly an attempt to lure young voters by showing them the candidate can relate to them. They were going to do an elbow smack but at rehearsal the senator missed and smacked himself on the chin."

"Hmmmm ... what about you, Bill O'Reilly? How do you see it at Fox News?"

"Wolf, the truth is coming out! Now we know! The Obamas are not the happy couple they present to the public! They're beating each other up every night!"

Here's a cautionary note for the Obamas. If indeed the fist bump is one of those relate-to-the-young things, they're wasting their time. Nothing is so uncool as a middle-aged guy trying to be cool. I once entered a room wherein my then-17-year-old godson and his buddies were playing guitar and said, "Hey dudes!" and the boy looked at me as if I were wearing plaid shorts, black socks and sandals, had my glasses taped together and had just offered to take them all to McDonald's for a Happy Meal. It wasn't so. Those were gray socks.

One can already see the ramifications of the bump. On the front page of the Tuesday N&O, there was Gov. Mike Easley giving Obama the bump during the candidate's Raleigh kickoff. Now, Easley is cooler than most, a funny guy and all, but the fist bump? That isn't making it. In looking at Easley's bump technique ... well, let's just say the only thing missing was the black socks and the pocket protector. Give the guy a handshake, tell him your endorsement of Hillary Clinton was a misunderstanding and you'd like to do more than sell peanuts at the convention, and move on.

Clearly, though, the Obama campaign is going to be all about this kind of thing. But what about when Obama appears with other Democrats of considerably shorter stature than he, which is most of them? Do the Demos really want these televised greetings where Obama is meeting people and they're jumping up to give him the bump and they can't reach him or they miss? Or what if a big ol' burly Democrat about the candidate's height moves to give him a bump and smacks him in the kisser?

Are there other options that Obama could employ that have the same "I'm cool" symbolism and might work better? It's tough. With a high-five or a low-five, there's that same problem with the height differential. A slap on the side of the helmet ... no, at most appearances there are no helmets, and a helmet slap without that is just smacking somebody. Doing the hugging thing? Well...Bill Clinton was the First Hugger, and that's getting a little weary. Not to mention Obama's got to make it through flu season.

So, maybe the bump's not so bad.

This does make one wonder what the Republicans will be cooking up as a sort of antidote to Obama's youth support. We have it on good authority that Arizona Sen. John McCain will soon begin his speeches by acknowledging introductory applause with "Far out!" And that he will pepper his foreign policy addresses by noting his acquaintance with foreign leaders and reckoning, "So then I told the cat..." He was overheard at one college rally, as he took some Doritos from a student, saying, "Thanks, man. Johnny Mac was havin' a snack attack, baby!" Unfortunately, McCain's lieutenants think this might make him look less like a president and more like Austin Powers. Presumably, they will continue to work to "cool him up."

In the meantime, because your correspondent has his finger on the pulse of popular culture and is hoping for a fair fight, he would volunteer to help both campaigns choose theme music that will connect them with young people. There's a kid out there now, name of Elvis ...