Every year about this time, the ground hereabouts begins to swell with demands from a grateful readership for the views of this space with regard to what will happen in the state and nation in the coming 12 months. It's true. People plan their vacations around this. High-ranking officials -- I'm talking, like, middle managers in the Employment Security Commission, school crossing guards, assistants to deputy assistant secretaries of important departments -- often call in late December and say, "How does March look? I was thinking of going to Branson because Whisperin' Bill Anderson was gonna be there, but if things are going to be hopping here, well..."

This is because of a downright spooky track record, successful soothsaying in the past that included predictions of George Bush the Elder's re-election, the Democratic landslides of '94 and '02, huge budget surpluses in North Carolina throughout the late 1990s and early 2000s, and a record number of Grammy nominations for Peter, Paul & Mary.

Herewith our views on the year to come:

JANUARY/FEBRUARY: Former United States Senate majority leader Trent Lott of Mississippi gets in more trouble after he winds up a heated floor speech in a debate on affirmative action with, "Mah friends, ah just wanna say that even though it may appear we have lost this particular battle, we're still holdin' Sherman out of Atlanta!"

By the middle of January, the Democratic race for president will include all sitting members of the Senate and House, all ex-Clinton White House officials, and former Charlotte Mayor Richard Vinroot, who switches parties and says, "Well, I just figured it was time to run for something again,"

MARCH/APRIL: Members of the North Carolina General Assembly are told they face a budget deficit of $2 billion. Many are shocked, but relieved somewhat to discover that the size of the shrimp at lobbyists' buffets hasn't diminished and that foreign lagers at such events haven't been replaced with Blue Ribbon. "For a moment there," one says, "we thought this crisis might be of monumental proportions...say, is there any sharp cheddar?"

Republicans cite their "no-tax" pledges and say they'll just cut waste to balance the books. Governor Mike Easley says new revenues will be needed, including a state lottery and the sale of his Timex.

MAY/JUNE: President Bush continues to advocate tax cuts for the rich despite a sagging economy, saying, "Now, y'all in the middle class will benefit. Why, when ol' John D. Rockefeller used to throw those dimes out of his car, look at how many people got dimes. What the middle class has to do, see, is stand closer to the dadburn car!"

Governor Easley announces the state budget crisis is worsening, and he's selling the Crown Vic and getting a nice, calm mare.

JULY/AUGUST: Missing gold bars from Fort Knox are found in a safe at WorldCom. President Bush defends corporate executives, saying, "Well, maybe they were just trying a little privatization. These doggone Democrats have a hissy about anything."

Governor Easley instructs Highway Patrol to detain ex-Beatle Paul McCartney, in North Carolina for his new tour, and "turn him upside down and shake him to see if any loose hundreds fall out to help us with the deficit."

SEPTEMBER: Republicans continue to deny new revenues are needed to solve the state's budget crisis. GOP-controlled House instructs all state agencies to order employees to sell two pints of blood a month to plasma banks to raise funds.

Meanwhile, Governor Easley challenges ex-Minnesota Governor Jesse "the Body" Ventura to a Texas Death Match of the Governors at the RBC Center in Raleigh, with the proceeds to go to the state's budget deficit. Easley plans to bill the event as "The Body versus The Beauty."

OCTOBER: Trent Lott says 2004 election will be significantly influenced by "whether Bobby Lee and Longstreet can figure a way over the stone wall at Gettysburg."

Presidential cufflinks are found in Enron safe deposit box. "OK, fellas, this ain't funny anymore," President Bush says. "My belt buckle better be there when I get home."

NOVEMBER: State budget crisis worsens. Republicans in the state House, continuing to deny a need for more revenue, suggest seeing if Norfolk, Va., officials are interested in purchasing Elizabeth City.

DECEMBER: Republicans in the North Carolina General Assembly stand firm against raising corporate taxes and closing loopholes to answer a still-acute budget problem. At a press conference, they announce a solution: "We're asking Santa for $2 billion."

The 100th anniversary of the Wright brothers' flight is marked at Kill Devil Hills, with an appearance by President Bush. Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott comments, "What? Man can fly?"