Well, friends, we of this space often turn for wisdom, for life's lessons, for pertinent comparisons of public matters to eternal truths revealed in fiction, to "The Andy Griffith Show." And today, we have to do that again, because there is a keen parallel in the show to the bone-headed goof by Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts now covering your airwaves. No need for lengthy explanations: Kerry, by talking to students about how they needed to study and be smart so they wouldn't get us stuck in something like Iraq, was trying to make a joke insinuating that President Bush is stupid.

Only the senator -- who during his 2004 campaign for president found a way to allow Republicans to turn his being a Vietnam war hero into a liability -- left some words out, he says, and so he came across as implying that the men and women of the military are not as smart as the rest of us. (He noted also that his staff wrote the joke, which only makes things worse.) Naturally the Republicans are all over it. You can't blame them, any more than you can blame a kitty-cat for swiping at a bird that decides to recline right beside the cat's food dish.

Senator Kerry has always been one of those fellows who, regardless of what he's really saying, conveys the idea that he's a guy who thinks he's a lot smarter than everybody else and knows what's best for the rest of us. He probably can't help it, and he seems like a good-hearted sort, but that's just how it comes across. And he doesn't know when to shut up.

Which brings us to Andy. Opie has this poor kid over for supper, and the kid dumps syrup on his food, because it was on the table. Opie expresses chagrin: "What're you doing?" The kid's embarrassed. Andy looks at Opie and says, "And to think I was happy when you learned to talk."

John Kerry got a lot closer to combat in Vietnam than our incumbent president -- Kerry actually won the Silver Star for heroism under fire, whereas the president was stateside in the Air National Guard. It's highly unlikely Kerry would have anything bad to say about the courageous men and women of the American military, so he's telling the truth, I think, when he says he just goofed up the joke.

But again, you can't get all over the Republicans and the president when they're given such a gift and try to use it. This is a tough campaign and in some quarters it appears the GOP candidates could lose their seats if their opponents were listed on the ballots as "Chicken Pox" and "Mumps." In politics, with 24-hour cable news and all, what would otherwise be a morsel for an opponent becomes a five-course meal with dessert and coffee.

Speaking of 24-hour news, that's another factor that's turned up the heat under Kerry's teapot here. Good grief: Tuesday night, after it happened, the blabfests were in full swing and all sorts of analysts were shouting each other down trying to explain the causes and consequences of John Kerry's rhetorical stumble.

Republican analysis went something like this: "Well, it's clear that the Democrats are the commies we've always said they were and that the entire party wants to hoist a white flag toward the terrorists and subvert the president's attempts to give the American people their tax money back while encouraging welfare cheats and trying to destroy the poor drug companies who have a right to huge profits and the noble insurance companies who are trying to protect us all and by the way -- Democrats also favor combining checks with the plaids. Hideous."

Democrats: "The president and his party are attempting to use what was merely a slip of the tongue as an opportunity to take down the Democrats for their political convenience and divert attention from this disastrous war and a catastrophic foreign policy and their exploitation of religion. They want to continue their control of Congress no matter what sleazy tactics they have to use. And by the way...Rush Limbaugh is fat and mean."

This sort of dialogue has filled up, so far, about 48 hours of cable news, which is kinda scary considering there's an election next week that's pretty important.

If people's votes are swayed in the end by one statement from a failed presidential candidate or the ensuing comeback from the White House, it's a sorry commentary on the public's attention span. We ought to vote our brains and our beliefs, whatever they are, and not because of some last-minute shoutfest. The only Kerry observation from this deck is: What a dumb thing to say.

Now let's all move on and make the politicians talk about things that matter.