My grandma was an abundant source of wisdom, and one of the things of which she oft reminded me was, "If you don't have anything good to say about somebody, don't say anything at all." I think every granny in the history of humanity has probably said that. If one applied that wisdom, earnestly, to this era's political dialogue ... well, the world might be a lot different:

There would be maybe one cable television network, which would be devoted exclusively to reruns of "Seinfeld," "The Beverly Hillbillies" and "The Andy Griffith Show." No, this is not a fantasy, a description of the Perfect World; it is practical analysis.

We would never have heard of Bill Oh What's His Name, or any of these other cablepeople who are traveling this planet proving that just because you have nothing worthwhile to say doesn't mean you can't have a television show and a book on the New York Times best-seller list.

That Ann Coulter person would be out of business. She's the one who says nasty things about Democrats on television in order to sell more books that say nasty things about Democrats, and has verbally dismembered every Democrat except Franklin D. Roosevelt. I expect she'll get to him eventually. One wonders whether her true calling might be a touring magic production wherein she'd saw people in half. Really sawing them in half.

Then there are the legions of talking heads labeled as "consultants," which certifies them to appear on cable television and offer criticism on everything from strategy in Iraq to what's doing with Tom Cruise. Somber, they are. Glib. Spouting well-rehearsed catch-phrases with a certitude meant to give viewers the impression that if they'd been around Way Back When, Moses would have stepped aside and let them pass him on the way down the mountain because their commandments were better.

In truth, you wouldn't want most of these people to consult with you on making a ham sandwich.

Consider if you will what might have been the scenario if Abe Lincoln had been subject to the hyperanalysis of the bucket mouth brigade.

"Good evening, this is Chris Matthews and let's play hardball. Bill O'Reilly, your thoughts please on President Lincoln's address at Gettysburg."

O'Reilly: "Chris, it's an absurd speech by a typical double-talking liberal. He wrote it on the back of an envelope or something, and it shows. Thankfully, this speech will be entirely forgotten within two weeks."

"Wow, Bill. Impressive. Al Franken, your thoughts?"

"Well, I agree the president could have expressed his thoughts in a clearer fashion, but overall I'd give him a B-plus."

"Bill, anything else to add?"

"He doesn't need a B-plus, Al. He needs a B vitamin. What absolute blather. I mean, what do we have to show for the Lincoln administration besides keeping the Union together? Pitiful."

"Bill, we gotta have you back next week!"

Oh, yes. Mean sells. That's why the loudest, most outrageous commentators keep getting their air time. It doesn't matter that most of them aren't just insulting our intelligence. They're taking it out back and slapping it around to within an inch of its life.

The liberal side has its commentators and bloggers, of course, who can get just as far "out there" and outrageous with the right-wingers. But they're not very good at it. Whenever the liberal consultant is paired against the conservative consultant, it's as if the liberal brought a knife to a gunfight. The conservative says, "Bill Clinton is a lying, no-good, cheating, two-faced sonuvagun." And the liberal responds, "You know we're trying to do something about greenhouse gases." Good grief.

Just once, on those political saturation shows that are used to fill in the gaps between reports on Paris Hilton, it would be interesting to see if granny's wisdom could be enforced in the future. One show where the commentators would be restricted to positive, optimistic comments and only constructive criticism of the opposing side would be allowed:

"Chris Matthews and Hardball here, offering only good news and unbridled praise. Our guests are conservative commentators Bill O'Reilly and Pat Buchanan. Glad to have you, fellows. And we'd like your thoughts now, keep it positive, on President Hillary Clinton's national health system and her announced plans to cap gasoline prices at $1.50 a gallon and imprison the heads of the major oil companies. Also, if you have any views of her husband's appointment as secretary of state...gentlemen?

"Chris?"

"Yes, Bill?"

"Bad news. When you said all that about being positive. ... Pat just exploded."

"You mean he got really angry, Bill?"

"No. I mean he exploded."