Setting outdoors to music

With a long holiday weekend, I had a chance to check out the outdoors programming from my local cable company. I don't normally watch a lot of hunting and fishing shows.

The outdoors programming arena, especially on the "triple-digit channels" can leave a lot to be desired. There are some shows with decent production values and ethics on the major outlets such as ESPN2 and Versus, but there is a whole lot of "watch me" stuff out there that satisfies the host's ego more than the viewer's intellect.

With that in mind, I have an idea for a new model of outdoors entertainment, one that would meld music videos, classic rock and hunting and fishing.

Confused? It's pretty simple. I take the titles and lyrics, rework them a tad, grab a video camera and record some outdoors footage, then get the bands to come back and record the new lyrics. It's like MTV back when it had music and videos.

In order to cover a wide range of demographics, I need a variety of music. Start with The Who. One of the band's hits takes on an angling theme. "Won't Get Spooled Again" would be the title. ("Meet the new bass, same as the old bass ...")

For 1980s rock fans, The Knack's "My Sharona" becomes an ode to fishing reels, "My Shimano." ("Oh, my pretty little reel, little reel. When you gonna give me some line, Shimano.")

But wait, the eggnog is kicking in and it gets worse.

For upland bird hunters, AC/DC's 1979 title track from "Highway to Hell" becomes "Highway to Quail" (because, in the South, "hell" and "quail" rhyme). The B-52s can weigh in with "Dove Shack," a workup of their 1989 hit "Love Shack." ("I got me a flatbed, it seats about 20, so hurry up and bring your shotshell money.")

Can't leave out deer hunters (or hip-hop music), so we can turn to Sir Mix-A-Lot and his 1992 hit "Baby Got Back," an ode to oversized derrieres. It now becomes on ode to antlers, "Buck Got Rack." ("I like big bucks and I cannot lie, you other hunters can't deny ...")

The country and Southern rock genres won't need a whole lot of redoing, because they have songs like "Swamp Music" from Lynyrd Skynyrd. ("Lord, fetch my cane pole, mama. Gonna catch a bream or maybe two.") Brad Paisley has the subjects covered with "Mud on the Tires" (the joy of a new four-wheel drive truck), "I'm Gonna Miss Her" (choosing between fishing or your wife) and "Ticks," a sublime ditty about checking a new girlfriend for blood-sucking parasites after a moonlit walk "out in the woods I used to hunt."

Of course, we always have Hank Williams Jr., who may be most famous to today's generation as the musical host of "Monday Night Football." But back in the day, "A Country Boy Can Survive" was the anthem of the Skoal-dipping, bass-fishing and deer-hunting legions.

It may take awhile to get this off the ground. In the meantime, enjoy the current outdoors offerings and hope for better down the road.