ESPN basketball analyst Jay Bilas said he doesn't think there was ever an athlete who played who didn't poke fun at his coach. 'You poke fun at the idiosyncracies of the people you love the most,' said Bilas, a former Duke player and assistant. Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski, with his wicked sense of humor, loves to do the same, but today, Krzyzewski does not have the floor. The N&O's Luciana Chavez recently gave the floor to some former players and assistants, asking them to share the story they would tell if asked to roast Krzyzewski in public. To mark Krzyzewski's 800th career victory, eight of them celebrate their former coach and/or colleague by doing just that.

Coach K was in charge -- whether he was playing or coaching

"I was in grad school at the time, and Coach would let me work the camps for extra money. In between sessions, the coaches would play the best campers. ... Coach K would play, Mike Brey would play. Tommy [Amaker] never played because he was smart. Pete Gaudet would play.

"Back then, Coach still had a little bit of game. He actually had a midrange game that he used to brag about. He'd said Chicago ballplayers couldn't shoot long range because the wind would be blowing too hard.

"Anyway, we knew Coach couldn't stretch a defense. So he's playing the point and I was happy to play the 2-guard because he never let me shoot anyway, and, it may sound odd, but he never passed to me either.

"Very rarely in those games did you see people end up on the floor making a hustle play. ... But one kid was out of control going fast down the lane. Coach is the one man back in a two-on-one, and you can hear him yell, 'My charge!'

"He's basically calling his shot. ... The kid couldn't slow down or didn't, so Coach takes the charge. Then I look over and he's on the ground with his hand cupped over his mouth and blood running down. He looks up and two of his front teeth are gone.

"Even better, he left, got it fixed and, the next day, he plays again and it happened again. That must be some metaphor for bouncing back from adversity."

Austin Toros (NBDL) coach Quin Snyder, Duke player 1986-1989, Duke assistant 1996-99

I could do one mean 'Crishefski' imitation

"It was a while back but when I played for him at Army, as a freshman, I probably could do as good a Coach K imitation as there was, at least at that time. I could do his mannerisms and I'd get his voice pretty good. Also, when he started, there was only one or two of us, and I know I was one of them, who could pronounce it right. 'Crishefski' -- that was one way. We butchered it in too many ways; I can't remember them all. I'm pretty sure that's where 'Coach K' started. I think we were the founding group of that. And it might have been Coach K's idea. It sure beat what we were calling him."

Texas Christian coach Neil Dougherty, Army player under Krzyzewski 1979-80

He loves his bread (not talking money)

"Since I was at Duke, Mike's program and the ACC have grown and grown, but the beauty of Mike is that he is very simple. Things don't really change with him as far as what he appreciates.

"So wherever we traveled, we'd eat dinner at these Steak N' Ale places. And immediately upon sitting down, Mike would grab a piece of bread and butter it and take a bite and make the same comment, 'Wow. You can't get bread like this down in Durham.'

"We'd tell him, 'Mike, they have these restaurants everywhere we go. This bread is not the gold standard of bread.' But he still said the same thing every single time.

"He really felt that bread was the best stuff he ever had. He's been all over the world and maybe he's changed in other ways, but I wouldn't be surprised if he still loves that bread."

Atlanta Hawks assistant Bob Bender, Duke player (for Bill Foster) 1978-80, Duke assistant 1984-89

He plants the seed early in recruiting

"I remember when Coach K was recruiting me and came to our house [in Sterling, Va.]

"My mom, Martha, she loved her plants. Coach Krzyzewski was doing the home visit, sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth, back and forth until he knocked over a whole plant stand worth of plants.

"There was dirt everywhere. I thought, 'Oh man. I really wanted to go to Duke. I hope mom still likes the school.' And she did. She still watches every one of Duke's games to this day."

NBA TV analyst Billy King, Duke player 1985-88

Any way you spell it, Coach K can be funny

"When you get older and get together with former players, you don't talk about the games but about the funny stuff that happened in the locker room or something Coach K did that was funny but wasn't intended to be funny.

"One time Coach K was going on and on to us about paying attention to detail, how we needed to be able to pay attention to detail and be critical of ourselves and say tough things to each other when the situation called for it.

"Right after that we went through the game plan and one key point was about rebounding. He wrote it up on the board and spelled it -- REBOUD.

"Billy King was a freshman at the time, and he leaned over and asked me, 'Do you think he wants us to point that out?' And I said, 'Yeah. Good call. You do it.' And, no, Billy did not."

ESPN analyst Jay Bilas, Duke player 1983-86, Duke assistant 1990-92

You're not playing for Bob Knight anymore

"During summer camp, the staff would always play pickup games against campers and Mike would play. Back then, Cameron Indoor Stadium wasn't air-conditioned. So you're in your 30s, sweating, and it's a great workout.

"The campers would try to put together teams to beat us but they never did. Of course, we cheated ... . But Mike, he was so intense; he'd be playing like he was back at Army playing in the NIT for [Bob] Knight.

"So one day, Mike took a charge and it knocked out a cap on his front tooth. He leaves and gets it fixed then comes back the next day and he's playing again and takes another charge and gets the same cap knocked out.

"Bob Bender and I looked at each other, and we're both shaking our heads. All Bender and I are worried about is getting shots up, so me and Bob tell Mike, 'Hey, it's over. Playing for Knight? That's over. You can shoot a little now. Take some shots, why don't you!'

Notre Dame coach Mike Brey, Duke assistant 1988-95

'... don't walk around looking for seashells'

"One of the funniest things ever, though it wasn't funny at the time, happened my freshman year before the Carolina-Duke game in Chapel Hill.

"We were shooting around in Cameron. Coach K had just walked in, and that was the signal for the managers to collect the balls so we could start our walk-through for the game.

"I was standing next to the ball rack, so I bent over and picked a ball up to help out. Right at that moment, Coach comes in cursing, saying, 'What are you doing?' Then he tells Coach [Pete] Gaudet, 'Roll the ball out!' and he goes to the floor chasing it.

"He says, 'Here at Duke, we don't walk around looking for seashells.' I guess that's what I looked like I was doing. So he dives on the floor, yelling, 'This is my ball! It doesn't say 'Wilson'! It says 'Krzyzewski'!'

"I was thinking, 'This guy is nuts,' but he was always challenging guys like that. One time, at halftime at Clemson, I guess he didn't feel we were going all out, and he did it in his suit.

"I don't know if he does that now with his [artificial] hips. He's older, but, actually, he looks better now than he did when I was there.

Oklahoma coach Jeff Capel, Duke player 1993-97

'I'm proud to be one of his guys'

"Those other guys have better stories than me. I don't have any funny kind of roasting stories.

"Obviously, it's a grand achievement to have those kind of numbers. I marvel at what Coach K continues to do, and not just thinking about the wins. I marvel more just about him as a man, how he's conducted his life with his family.

"That's what those other stories here are about; they transcend decades and Coach K just keeps going and going. I'm blessed to have had a chance to play for him and work for him. I'm proud to be one of his guys."

Harvard coach Tommy Amaker, Duke player 1984-87, Duke assistant 1989-97