There was a story in the paper about a Raleigh man who has produced a collection of old-time songs about barbecue and meat in general. Songs like "Barbecue Bust" and "Pigs’ Feet And Slaw" and "Fat Meat Is Good Meat" and a personal favorite, "I Heard The Voice Of A Pork Chop" (That one kinda makes you feel sentimental, don’t it?)
This put me to wondering if there were any songs about golf other than Bing Crosby’s long ago offering, "Right Down The Middle" and "Augusta," Kenny Loggins’ haunting Masters theme.
When you are seized by the need to know something as important as that, you do the scholarly thing, you turn on your computer.
I found plenty. They fall into three categories – clever (not many of those), parodies of classic rock songs (truly forgettable) and just plain awful (a whole bunch of those).
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I did come across some titles that made me want to listen to them but I fought back the urge. There was "Hit The Ball, Leroy," and "The One-Putt Strut" (listed as an album of motivational songs for golfers, really) and "Disappearing Golf Ball Blues" and my favorite, "Virgil’s Got The Yips."
I decided to try my hand at it, country style:
"My Sweet Swing’s Gone Sour (And My Beer’s A Little Flat, Too)"
"Ever Which Way The Wind’s Blowing (I’m Always Going The Other Way)"
"The Lowdown Two-Down Blues"
"I’d Fix My Ball Mark If I Ever Made One"
"I Might Be 3-Down But Remember, The Big Possum Walks Late"
"I’d Give My Truck For A Hole-In-One, Almost"
"That Ball’s So Deep In Them Bushes, Lassie Couldn’t Find It If It Was Wrapped In Bacon"
"You Ain’t Got The Game To Go With White Slacks"
"I Ain’t No Ben Hogan But I’ve Never Bogeyed The 19th Hole"