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Faux tweets from Augusta

For a good while now, I’ve had roughly the same regard for Twitter that I have for a duck hook but I’ve relented and joined the tweeters of the world.

If I were tweeting from the Masters, here, in tweeter-like form, is some of what I’d have to say:

(Don’t bother counting the characters, I’m taking poetic license here.)

•  Can the Masters really have a champion named Bubba? Why not? The 1979 winner was named Fuzzy. Incidentally, Bubba’s real name is Gerry. I like Bubba better.

•  Famed author and golf writer Dan Jenkins is covering his 60th Masters and his 200th major championship. He will be inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame in May. It came as a surprise. “I thought you had to die first,” he said.

•  Rickie Fowler stands four over par after three rounds, pretty well assuring that we won’t have to see the champion’s green jacket pulled over his all-orange outfit Sunday. The leader in that category remains Bernhard Langer, who wore all red when he won.

•  Sergio Garcia says, “The right temperament for golf, it doesn’t exist. The Guy Up Top probably has it, but anybody else, I don’t think so.”

•  One veteran golf writer’s take on the floundering Tiger Woods: “He’s a lost soul. He needs somebody to help him get straightened out but he won’t listen to anybody. He needs a dad.”

•  In 54 holes, Tiger has made only seven birdies, just one of them on the back nine. He used to make that many in one round.

•  Overheard on the course: “Two sandwiches and two beers, 11 bucks. Awesome.”

•  A hat similar to the one famed Atlanta columnist Furman Bisher wore when he was covering the Masters for six decades sits on a small pedestal at his old workplace in the media room, in memory of a great one. Bisher died recently at age 93 without ever having lost his passion for his work. “It happens to all of us sooner or later,” said Jenkins. “You’re typing one day, you topple over and go on to the next adventure.”

•  The average pace of play for Friday’s threesomes was 5 hours and 20 minutes. Some of these guys stand over a shot so long you wonder if you should call a mortician.

•  I saw a new one Saturday. Geoff Ogilvy hit his approach to the 18th way left. A bunch of people were moved from his line and he played his pitch over about 10 rows of chairs. And made par.

•  I haven’t tried the vegetable wrap offered in the media dining area. Does that come with fries?

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