IHOP becomes IHOB, for the International House of Burgers
More like International House of Bogus.
After a week of suspense building over how the restaurant known as IHOP would soon become IHOB, the big reveal turned out to be "B" for Burgers.
Brunch, biscuits, breakfast, bialy, even borscht. All of these things came to mind before burgers when imagining how the International House of Pancakes would rebrand itself.
The longtime self-proclaimed worldwide authority on fruit-topped, syrup-slathered, chocolate chip-studded carb bombs relinquished that title for burgers, one of the great American culinary contributions, perfected long ago, then reperfected a thousand times more.
International House of Burgers.
More like, International House of How Many Great Burger Spots Will You Have to Drive by on the Way to a Breakfast Place? They played click bait with our hearts, hardening them a little, letting the air out of our sense of wonder, turning all that is fluffy and good to ash.
Would you like cheese on your betrayal?
Or should that be International House of Betrayal?
Now a pancake joint with a zillion locations wants to get in the burger game. This is like Burger King, the self-proclaimed king of burgers, rebranding as the despot of vegan muffins.
Brunch would have made the most sense, using the word to announce nationwide alcohol sales, ending the practice of toting in airplane bottles and flasks for a sneaky pour into the orange juice when the server turns around. International House of Bloody Marys, of Bellinis, of Booze Before Noon.
As for the burgers themselves, IHOB or whatever, hasn't broken any boundaries. There's a classic, a classic with bacon, one with barbecue sauce and bacon, one with jalapenos, pepperjack cheese and bacon, a double and one with mushrooms and onions. The best sounding one, called "Big Brunch Steakburger," has a fried egg, a crispy potato pancake and bacon.
The world reacted to the B-word ruse with belligerent bummed-outness and bellicose belittling.
So no, IHOP is not changing its name permanently, it's just adding some new burgers at the International House of All Night Joints That Cried Wolf. How dare they distract us from true food-related news: Sonic's pickle flavored slush.