Mommy, There is the Phone Hospital

I had major problems with my smartphone last week.

Let’s get this straight. My experience with my droid is limited.  I sometimes don’t even remember the name of it.  Much to my husband’s dismay, I can’t do maps on the phone very well, either. He has told me that until I learn to use the map app correctly, we will not take another trip.

Good thing that my latest hotel stay is in Chapel Hill.  We know how to get there because I still haven’t learned to use the map app.

But the bottom line is I talk on it very little, but I do social media quite a bit.  It’s a tweeting, Instagraming, and Facebooking phone. I never ever go over our data plan each month.  Never. Ever.

Do I make dumb mistakes?

Of course I do. Turning off Wi-Fi on the phone is the one I am least proud of.

And the one day I did that, my phone went berserk and sucked down a month’s allotment in data in nine short minutes.  It did it not once, but four times in a less than 24-hour period. 

The phone was sick!

 “Take it to the phone hospital.  It needs examining,” I pleaded with my husband as if this were a life-or-death situation.  He couldn’t do it.

Personally, I’ve never walked into a cellular store before, even though I know they are quite popular.

This was an emergency. I had no choice. I had to go myself.

The phone doctor greeted me with a smile. He didn’t know what he had in store for himself.

Before he could say one word, I chirped, “We’ve come to the phone hospital,” His smile probably turned to a worried look as he wondered, “Who the hell calls this place a phone hospital?”

At first, he didn’t know what to do and said, “We could track it.”

That wasn’t good enough for me.  I didn’t need a tracker. I needed to nip this data-sucking problem in the bud NOW.

After many tests, the diagnosis pointed to my email. Something went haywire and was constantly trying to send something.

Blame it on AOL. 

Yes, I closed that email account. About time, right?

I think my mother-in-law, myself, and humor columnist Celia Rivenbark were the only ones still using AOL email addresses.

The phone physician took the defunct AOL account off my phone and installed a new data plan tracker to see what apps on my phone suck the most data in a given time.

Instagram is in the lead right now, but nothing is too alarming.  My additional $45 in data should be an isolated case.  Better be, or I may have to make more trips to that phone hospital, which is what my daughter says every time she sees an AT&T store.

“Mommy, there’s the phone hospital!”

I’m hoping I don’t have to go back any time soon.  Well, I wouldn’t mind having a tablet.