History tells us many things.
It tells us everybody wore bad clothes in the '70s, wine coolers never were a good idea and the nerds suckered us all with that Y2K thing.
It also tells us if your team didn't win its opener last weekend, forget about the Super Bowl. In the 43 years of the Super Bowl, only seven times has a team lost its opener and won the big silver trophy that shows fingerprints.
But let's not go all negative already. That's what talk radio is for.
The "Seinfeld" crowd is getting back together so there's hope, right?
The NFL season is only one week old. It's too early to surrender.
If you're one of those grown men who wears team jerseys on game days, don't stop yet. Be proud. Be hopeful. And, be sure not to wear a jersey when you're on a date, assuming you have one.
It's only been one week.
But if things go bad in Week 2 ...
CAROLINA at ATLANTA: It's not all Jake's fault. Falcons 31, Panthers 17.
HOUSTON at TENNESSEE: Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'm going to finish reading Pat Conroy's "South of Broad" instead. Titans 29, Texans 24.
MINNESOTA at DETROIT: Yo, Adrian. Vikings 31, Lions 21.
NEW ORLEANS at PHILADELPHIA: Proof that the NFL is the ultimate week-to-week league. Last week, the Eagles looked invincible. This week, Kevin Kolb might be their quarterback. Saints 32, Eagles 20.
ARIZONA at JACKSONVILLE: The blackouts begin in Jacksonville, where season ticket sales dropped from 42,000 last year to 25,000 this season. Nothing Tim Tebow couldn't solve. Cardinals 20, Jags 17.
OAKLAND at KANSAS CITY: The who cares game of the week. Black Hole 28, Chiefs 27.
CINCINNATI at GREEN BAY: Bengals backup quarterback Jordan Palmer, Carson's brother, has developed a Web site that tells movie watchers the best times to hit the bathroom during a flick.
He's got it down to the minute so you don't miss the good parts (which means you don't have to hurry if you're watching one of Will Ferrell's recent efforts).
I'm trying to figure out if Jordan Palmer is brilliant or really, really bored. Packers 27, Bengals 24.
NEW ENGLAND at NEW YORK JETS: The Mark Sanchez honeymoon is in full bloom right now with Jets fans. If he beats Tom Brady this Sunday, he'll get the full Joe Namath sainthood treatment.
There are worse things. Jets 26, Patriots 21.
ST. LOUIS at WASHINGTON: A game only Shakespeare could love - much ado about nothing. Skins 31, Rams 14.
TAMPA BAY at BUFFALO: Kanye West felt so bad about the Bills losing a game they could have won against New England Monday night, he apologized to them, too. Bills 27, Bucs 10.
SEATTLE at SAN FRANCISCO: This is a big game. Really, it is. The 49ers have already beaten Arizona and now they get the Seahawks, who many feel could win the NFC West. That's not saying a lot, I know, but it's something. 49ers 30, Seahawks 20.
BALTIMORE at SAN DIEGO: Sunday's weather forecast calls for mostly sunny skies, a high temperature around 80 and a 50 percent chance that Philip Rivers throws three touchdown passes. Chargers 28, Ravens 17.
CLEVELAND at DENVER: Remember when the Broncos mattered?
Broncos 28, Browns 14.
PITTSBURGH at CHICAGO: While everyone around here is griping about the quarterback play, the Bears' new hero - Jay Cutler - threw four picks in a loss at Green Bay. It happens. Steelers 20, Bears 13.
NEW YORK GIANTS at DALLAS: This one's all about big hair, a big scoreboard, a big new stadium, belt buckles the size of Houston, chicken-fried steak, beef brisket, Jerry Jones, Tony Romo, the star, the hole in the roof and all that other Dallas Cowboys stuff.
The Boys throw themselves a house-warming party.
Watch out for suddenly falling punts.
Cowboys 23, Giants 17.
INDIANAPOLIS at MIAMI: Were the Dolphins one-hit wonders last year? Maybe. Colts 24, Dolphins 21.
Last week: 12-3
Season: 12-3
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