How hot is it? ‘Hotter than Satan’s house cat’ and 108 other ways to say it’s scorching.
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Only Southerners can describe heat with the style and flavor it deserves, comparing summer’s worst punishment to a sausage griddle or a grit pot.
North Carolina’s weather is expected to reach uncomfortable highs in the coming days. With that in mind, we offer this complete list of sweltering expressions — minus the racier terms, of course.
Try one next time you mop your forehead.
1. Hotter than a stolen tamale.
2. Hotter than a red-headed roofer in July.
3. Hotter than Satan’s bath water.
4. Hotter than five guys fighting over a ichicken nugget in a minivan with no AC.
5. Hotter than a pot of neck bones.
6. Hotter than a jalapeño’s armpit.
7. Hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire.
8. Hotter than a baker’s belt buckle.
9. Hotter than hell and half of Georgia.
10. Hotter than a firecracker lit at both ends.
11. Hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue.
12. Hotter than blue blazes.
13. Hotter than a house on fire.
14. Hotter than a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
15. Hotter than 40 dammits.
16. Hotter than noon on the Fourth of July.
17. Hotter than a pepper sprout.
18. Hotter than a $2 pistol.
19. Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
20. Hotter than H-E double hockey sticks.
21. Hotter than six shades of hell.
22. Hotter than the middle kettle of hell.
23. Hotter than Georgia asphalt.
24. Hotter than a depot stove.
25. Hotter than blue gin.
26. Hotter than a honeymoon hotel.
27. Hotter than high noon in Death Valley.
28. Hotter than a hoot’n poot.
29. Hotter than a steel playground at recess.
30. Hotter than a six shooter.
31. Hotter than whoopee in woolens.
32. Hotter than a hen laying boiled eggs.
33. Hotter than the devil’s underwear.
34. Hotter than the bottom of my laptop.
35. Hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage.
36. Hotter than July.
37. Hotter than lava.
38. Hotter than the dickens.
39. Hotter than a tin-foil sweater.
40. Hotter than two trees fighting over a dog.
41. Hotter than a Times Square Rolex.
42. Hotter than my coffee.
43. Hotter than Charizard’s flamethrower.
44. Hotter than a hen laying hard-boiled eggs.
45. Hotter than two rats kissing in a wool sock.
46. Hotter than a Peruvian puff pepper.
47. Hotter than a blister.
48. Hotter than the business end of a pistol.
49. Hotter than sriracha.
50. Hotter than butter on a stack of wheat cakes.
51. Hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hades.
52. Hotter than seven hells.
53. Hotter than wildfire.
54. Hotter than Satan’s mixtape.
55. Hotter than a cow giving evaporated milk.
56. Hotter than four sides of hell.
57. Hotter than Dutch love.
58. Hotter than 49 barrels of hell.
59. Hotter than hell’s waiting room.
60. Hotter than an egg on the hood of a Camaro.
61. Hotter than a George Foreman Grill.
62. Hotter than a funeral procession pulling into Dairy Queen.
63. Hotter than two goats in a pepper patch.
64. Hotter than 40 hells.
65. Hotter than a volcano in an oven on self-clean mode.
66. Hotter than hell’s back kitchen.
67. Hotter than a Hot Pocket microwaved for six minutes.
68. Hotter than a preacher’s knee.
69. Hotter than fish grease.
70. Hotter than a Bunsen Burner set to full power.
71. Hotter than a snake’s butt in a wagon rut.
72. Hotter than the center of a calzone.
73. Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa. (That’s in Texas.)
74. Hotter than the devil’s backside.
75. Hotter than two ticks on a hound dog.
76. Hotter than a cat on a tin roof.
77. Hotter than pearls in a pawn shop.
78. Hotter than a cat in heat.
79. Hotter than kimchi.
80. Hotter than five hogs in a Ford Escort.
81. Hotter than a spanked baby’s bottom.
82. Hotter than two dogs wrestling in the attic.
83. Hotter than a mess of collards on the back burner of a $4 stove.
84. Hotter than the surface of the sun.
85. Hotter than hell’s pepper patch.
86. Hotter than a ginger mill in Hades.
87. Hotter than a billy goat with a blow torch.
88. Hotter than love in August.
89. Hotter than a stepmother’s kiss.
90. Hotter than a housewife reading “50 Shades of Grey.”
91. Hotter than Hades’ raven.
92. Hotter than a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.
93. Hotter than a flicker’s nest.
94. Hotter than an otter’s pocket.
95. Hotter than doughnut grease at a fat man convention.
96. Hotter than Satan’s house cat.
97. Hotter than an Xbox in a Minecraft marathon.
98. Hotter than a June revival.
99. Hotter than a blister bug in a pepper patch.
100. Hotter than a boiled owl.
101. Hotter than a June bug in July.
102. Hotter than a weed eater in a pawn shop.
103. Hotter than a burning stump.
104. Hotter than Satan’s toenails.
105. Hotter than a dancing bobcat.
106. Hotter than a moth in a mitten.
107. Hotter than Al Green’s grit pot.
108. Hotter than the pits of Mordor.
109. Hotter than a hog’s butt in a mud puddle.
Josh Shaffer: 919-829-4818, @joshshaffer08
This story was originally published July 3, 2018 at 10:25 AM with the headline "How hot is it? ‘Hotter than Satan’s house cat’ and 108 other ways to say it’s scorching.."
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