Paging the Powers That Be. Comedian Nikki Glaser is ready for her own talk show.

Nikki Glaser has hosted a Comedy Central show “Not Safe With Nikki Glaser” and a Sirius XM radio show.

She’s been on “Dancing With the Stars,” too.

Up next? She’d love to host her own talk show.

“That’s what’s up next, or so I hope,” she said, calling from New York. “I’m trying to get my chops up.”

Glaser, 34, will perform Feb. 28 to March 2 at Goodnight’s, talks about how she feels about relationships and why she believes the world will end in her lifetime.

Q: What will you be talking about when you come to Raleigh?

A: I’ll be talking about hook-up culture and how frustrating it is for men and women.

Q: The dating scene must be a breeze for a celebrity who was part of “Dancing with the Stars.”

A: I was the first one eliminated from ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ I’ve learned a few things about dating being a woman who doesn’t drink alcohol. That presents a problem.

Q: How difficult is it to settle down in a hook-up culture?

A: The problem is that there are too many options. No one needs to choose you and you don’t need to choose them. There’s always another app to try and you always think you can find someone better. I would like it if the dating pool dwindled.

I wish it was like shopping at Trader Joe’s. There are only two kinds of almond milk at Trader Joe’s. That makes it easy for me. But when I walk into Whole Foods, there’s 17 different kinds of almond milk. I literally walk out of Whole Foods without buying a thing. It’s the same thing with dating. I have option paralysis with dating.

Q: Do you ever get hit on at, say, a coffee shop?

A: Fortunately, no. I didn’t come of age in an era when people did that. If someone were to come up to me, I would be like, ‘go away you weirdo.’ The whole dating thing is difficult. There are so many people out there.

Q: A way for you to cure that is to only date celebrities. What celebrity would you like to date?

A: I have crushes on musicians and actors but I’m almost a celebrity.

Q: If you were on “Dancing With the Stars,” you’re a full-blown celebrity.

A: You’re right. When I was on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ I was knighted into celebrity. It’s funny now since I could possibly date guys that were on posters on my wall when I was a teenager in high school.

Q: Who do you have a crush on?

A: I can’t tell you because guys don’t like to be pursued. They want to pursue girls.

Q: What music are you into?

A: I’m a pop head. I like whatever the kids like. I was listening to DJ Khaled’s “Saturday Night.” The lyrics are like what a pimp would tell a runaway girl before he sells her into sex slavery. “Your parents don’t love you like I do.” It all reeks of R. Kelly. The lyrics want to make me cringe.

Q: Who are your favorite musicians?

A: Taylor Swift and Wilco.

Q: Who is your dream guest?

A: Taylor Swift. I want to bro down with her and talk about specifics. I want to know who inspired certain songs. I think Taylor and I could be good friends. I want to be known as the Taylor Swift of comedy.

Q: Do you want to have children?

A: I don’t think so but I hear if you meet the right guy you might want to have kids. ... I don’t think I want kids because I think the world is kind of ending.

Q: Are you serious?

A: Yes. I think we’re going to be around for the end. People say, ‘how could it happen to me?’ Hey, I didn’t think I would be voted off of “Dancing With the Stars” first but it happened to me. It has to happen for somebody. I don’t want to be with kids while I’m running from a tidal wave.

Q: When will the world end?

A: It could happen by summer. I hope my Netflix special is out by then.


Who: Nikki Glaser

When: Feb. 28-March 2. Show times vary

Where: Goodnights, 861 W. Morgan St., Raleigh.

Tickets: $25 and $50.

Info: 919-828-5233 or goodnightscomedy.com

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