We haven’t recapped this season of “The Bachelorette” as we have the past two seasons of “The Bachelor,” since “The Bachelorette” didn’t have any local contestants to follow.
But this season, featuring Hannah Brown, did have former Wake Forest University backup quarterback Tyler Cameron, and Tyler did make it to Tuesday night’s finale.
So here we are.
Briefly, to recap just a bit: Hannah, a former Miss Alabama USA, was down to four men: crazy Luke P., airline pilot Peter, singer-songwriter-who-can’t-sing Jed, and gorgeous Tyler. First, she dismissed the terrifying Luke P., who tried to slut-shame her for sleeping with Peter in a windmill. Twice. No, wait. Four Times. Then on Monday night’s show, she sent home Windmill Peter. That was very sad.
For Tuesday night’s show, Hannah was down to Tyler (her parents loved him) and Jed (her parents were not fans at all).
Things got off to a quick start because there is a lot to cover tonight. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll gasp, we’ll curse, we’ll cheer.
Of course, spoilers follow.
Hannah be trippin’
We’re immediately right into the engagement ring-buying montage, and Tyler and Jed both purchase* rings. Jed makes a nauseating comparison of the oval shape of the ring being like the love he and Hannah share. (*Not really sure who is doing the purchasing, especially considering Jed’s limited dog food jingle income.)
We also hear Hannah say of Jed: “I feel that Jed is as honest with me as I am with him.”
This is called foreshadowing.
On the way to the final ceremony, where Hannah is supposed to send one man home and accept the other man’s proposal, she asks to get out of the car. She’s walking down the street contemplatively in her gown and high heels, then trips and falls straight down in the street, scraping her elbow.
This is more foreshadowing.
Hannah says goodbye to Tyler
Hannah makes her way to a mountaintop, with a little Bactine on her elbow, and waits for Jed and Tyler to arrive so that she can break someone’s heart.
We see Tyler first, which isn’t good news for Tyler. He looks absolutely perfect in his fitted blue suit. Host Chris Harrison asks him how he feels and he says, “I’m so excited.” He calls Hannah “the woman of my dreams.” Poor bastard.
As soon as Tyler gets to Hannah he starts his proposal speech, which he has clearly practiced over and over in the mirror. Unbelievably, Hannah lets him get really, really far into this speech before cutting him off.
She tells him that she was falling in love with him, but that she loves someone else. Tyler looks off into the distance, bites his lip and tries not to cry.
“I’m still going to be your biggest fan and root for you,” Tyler tells her. “And I wish you and Jed nothing but success.”
Ooooof, big mistake Hannah.
Tyler is emotional in the car ride off the mountain, but holds it together. Women simultaneously melt in living rooms across America.
Jed proposes to Hannah
Jed arrives and oh sweet Jesus he has that dang guitar. Please don’t sing, Jed, please don’t sing.
Crap, he’s singing.
After he sings, Hannah tells him how much she loves him. Jed tells Hannah how much he loves her, and how much he has loved the opportunity to showcase his singing talents* no fewer than four times on national television this season. He gets down on one knee and proposes. She accepts. (*The word “talent” is used very generously.)
It’s worth noting that when the action goes back to Chris Harrison in the studio and Harrison notes that Jed professed his love and “sealed it with a song,” there is actual unintentional laughter in the audience.
Jed’s girlfriend hits the fan
Oh yeah, you hadn’t heard? Jed had a girlfriend when he went on the show. Not before he went on the show, when he went on the show. Apparently, they had an agreement that he’d go on the show to get publicity for his singing career* and then come back home to her. (See *talent above.)
But when he got there, he allegedly fell for Hannah and ghosted his girlfriend back home.
So this is how it went down on the show. Hannah tells us that Jed told her two days after the engagement that he had been “hanging out” with a girl before the show, but he had broken it off before going on the show.
But then a few weeks later, a People magazine article came out with a different version of Jed’s hometown romance.
Hannah is understandably upset.
“It’s not what I thought I said yes to,” she says. “I love the person I got engaged to, I don’t know how I feel about this person.”
Why isn’t Hannah a lawyer?
Jed is brought to Hannah and the mood is tense. Jed tells Hannah that he was not serious with this other woman, but Hannah is grilling him on every other word, like freaking Ally McBeal. And what Jed is doing to this poor girlfriend, downplaying his feelings for her and making her seem almost like a stalker, is just awful.
But Hannah objects and her objections are sustained and Hannah is given permission to treat Jed as a hostile witness.
He admits he told this woman that he loved her but that “it didn’t feel right” and Hannah tells him he’s selfish. He agrees. We all agree.
Jed tells Hannah that he said goodbye to the girlfriend when he left for the show (making “goodbye” sound like a break-up). Hannah reminds him that she has seen the “I love you” texts from the day he left the woman. He says he told her goodbye verbally. She reminds him what the texts say. Jed says OK, OK he told her goodbye “in his heart.”
Wow. Never put a crooked witness on the stand!
Hannah is Perry Masoning the fool out of this questioning. Sweat is pouring off Jed. There’s a short recess while Hannah calms down outside.
When court is back in session, Jed asks her what he can do to “grow” and be with her. She tells him “100 percent honesty” and he still keeps insisting that he didn’t have a girlfriend (in his heart) when he was on the show. He said he “held back details” (aka “lied”) because he was scared.
Hannah returns the ring
Hannah tells Jed that it makes sense to her now why his family acted so skeptical when she met them. She tells him she deserved to have all of the information to make her decision.
“This experience has been taken away from me because I didn’t have all the details,” she said. “You got to see all of me and I didn’t get to see all of you ... My decisions, my choices were all tainted.”
Jed says he wants to be someone she’s proud of. Hannah pulls the engagement ring off her finger, but quickly slips it back on. The crowd goes wild! She points at the ring and tells him, “This doesn’t mean the same thing. That’s not what I said ‘yes’ to” — and she takes the ring off and puts it on the table before him.
Are Hannah and Jed still apart?
Back in the studio, Chris brings Hannah out and they rehash some of the girlfriend stuff. Hannah tells Chris that the experience has made her stronger.
Chris asks her where her relationship with Jed stands and she says: “I am not with Jed anymore” and the audience cheers (for her strength, not her heartbreak).
“The engagement is over, we’re not together. That’s not what I said yes to.”
Hannah & Jed: The Live Show
Chris Harrison introduces Jed and exactly two people in the audience clap, until they realize no one else is clapping and it awkwardly stops. It’s so quiet in the studio, you can hear Jed’s footsteps as he walks to Hannah.
Jed nervously apologizes to Hannah — and to her parents and to his parents and to Bachelor Nation and to the world.
Hannah appreciates Jed’s apology and acknowledges that this has been hard for him and his family. For a split second, when Hannah talked about hoping Jed would grow into the man she knows he can be, it sounded like she was going to give him a second chance. But at the end, she added “for whoever in your future.”
Jed says he’s still in love with Hannah, but Hannah is done.
“My feelings have changed and I think when that trust was broken, my feelings really just were broken with that, and I don’t love you like that anymore. ... It’s just not what anybody needs to start a relationship on — lies — and not feel confident, and I want to feel confident with my forever.”
“So this is over?” Chris asks. “Yes,” Hannah says.
Tyler back in the game?
Before Chris brings out Tyler, Hannah admits that even after she sent him home, her feelings for Tyler never really went away.
“We’ll see what happens here,” Chris says.
Tyler comes out to huge cheers and gives Hannah a hug and tells her she looks amazing. Tyler tells Hannah that he’s proud of her and loved watching the season and that she was “so powerful and strong.” Tyler said he thought she was in good hands with Jed, and that he was sorry for what she went through.
Chris asks Hannah what’s going through her head while Tyler talks. She talks about Tyler’s support, even after their relationship had ended. She repeats that her feelings haven’t gone away.
Hannah says she likes people who make bold moves. “You’re an incredible guy and I’m a single girl, so I thought maybe we could go for a drink and just hang out.”
“I would love to, just tell me when,” Tyler said.
And that’s where we end it.
Who is the new ‘Bachelor’?
We actually won’t know this until deep into the upcoming “Bachelor in Paradise” season, but the front-runners, if you’re asking The Internet, are: Tyler (unless Hannah snatches him up), Big Mike and Peter the Pilot.
Former Miss NC USA on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Don’t be sad that “The Bachelorette” is over, be happy that “Bachelor in Paradise” starts next week — and it’ll have former Miss NC USA, Caelynn Miller-Keyes from Colton’s Season 23 of “The Bachelor.”
You can read all about Caelynn’s time on “The Bachelor,” including all her quarreling with Hannah Brown.
Previous ‘Bachelor’ coverage
▪ Learn more about North Carolina contestants Caelynn Miller-Keyes and Nina Bartula on Season 23 of “The Bachelor.”
▪ Here’s all of our coverage of former Miss NC Caelynn Miller-Keyes in Season 23 of “The Bachelor.”
▪ And here’s all of our coverage of Raleigh’s Jenna Cooper, from “The Bachelor” and “Bachelor in Paradise.”