‘Real Men,’ and a father’s nightmare – Snow

On Father’s Day, my thoughts kept turning to another father by the name of Seddique Mateen.

How does a father, or a mother for that matter, survive the shock of answering the phone or the door to someone’s voice announcing that his or her son had just callously, methodically and, apparently unfeelingly, snuffed out the lives of 49 innocent people?

What does one say? Or do? To where does someone flee to escape the incredible horror of a child’s horrific act?

When does the self-guilt set in? Questions follow: “As a father, where did I fail? How did I not detect the symptoms of a deranged son? How responsible was I in planting in his mind the poisonous seeds of prejudice against those of a different sexuality?”

“He was a very good boy,” Mateen said of his son, although the son had been a troublemaker since elementary school. Sometimes, “good boys” become monstrous men.

Many of you may remember a guy by the name of Michael Jordan, a basketball wizard who blazed his way to stardom at UNC and set incredible records while leading the Chicago Bulls to multiple NBA championships.

At one point in his spectacular career, his father, bursting with pride, said of his son during an interview, “This is something I raised.”

Would that all parents could proudly say the same thing of their children.

While a nation deeply mourns the devastating loss of all the innocents who died at Orlando’s Pulse nightclub at 2 a.m. on June 12, Seddique Mateen, for the rest of his life, will live with the hellish reality, “That was something I raised.”

Real Women do

While refueling at a West Raleigh gas station, I was surprised to see three women also pumping gas.

What goes here? Not too far in the past, Real Women didn’t pump gas. Apparently, that stereotype is on the wane.

In fact, there aren’t many day-to-day chores that are off-limits to women. Gender equality prevails in almost all areas of our culture, except in the paychecks women employees take home.

Some years ago, screen writer and humorist Bruce Feirstein wrote a best-selling little book entitled “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche.”

I thought of the book recently when the issue of protecting mussels’ environment during the upcoming extension of the 540 Beltline was raised. As far as I’m concerned, Real Men don’t eat mussels. But a lot of Real Men do.

Cultural changes have also redefined what Real Men do.

I was once unloading the dishwasher when my “sexist” 5-year-old visiting nephew came clomping into the kitchen. He stared at me in disgust and said, “Uncle A.C., mens don’t do dishes!”

Now, as a husband and father of two sons, Abraham has washed a passel of dishes as well as performed a plethora of other “womenfolk” chores.

According to Feirstein, some of the things you won’t find in a Real Man’s stomach include poached salmon, asparagus, broccoli, creamed spinach, quail, light beer and veal.

And among the things Feirstein said you won’t find in a Real Man’s pockets are lip balm, breath freshener and opera tickets.

OK, guys, check your pockets and see if you qualify as a “Real Man.”

Favorite odors

In response to the column on sounds we remember, reader Jim Richmond reminded me that we each have a stockpile of memorable odors.

“Our school janitor used a mixture of sawdust and linseed oil on the floors after classes were out,” he remembers. “The school house is now county offices, the old auditorium a hearing room for County Commissioner meetings. Whenever I visit the old school house, I imagine I smell this mixture.”

Smile

Another memorable headline shared by reader Delyle Evans has to do with the great baseball player, Dizzy Dean.

In Game 4 of the 1934 World Series, Dizzy was sent in as a pinch runner at first base. The batter hit the ball on the ground toward first and Dizzy took off for second base.

The first baseman picked up the ball and threw it to second with intentions of starting the double play. But the ball hit Dizzy in the back of his head, knocking him unconscious for a few seconds.

The next day, a newspaper headline read, “X-rays of Dean’s head show nothing.”

This story was originally published June 25, 2016 at 8:17 PM with the headline "‘Real Men,’ and a father’s nightmare – Snow."