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How hot is it? 'Hotter than a fire hydrant chasing a dog,' and 85 more ways to say it's hot.

Summer heat arrives in the Triangle with a vengeance

Summer has officially arrived in the Triangle and the temperatures prove it. See video of workmen sweltering doing roadwork while kids cool off in the Eno River.
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Summer has officially arrived in the Triangle and the temperatures prove it. See video of workmen sweltering doing roadwork while kids cool off in the Eno River.

Only Southerners can describe heat with the style and flavor it deserves, comparing summer's worst punishment to a sausage griddle or a grit pot.

With the heat index expected to rocket past 100 degrees, we offer this complete list of sweltering expressions — minus the racier terms, of course.

Try one next time you mop your forehead.

1. Hotter than a billy goat with a blow torch.

2. Hotter than Satan’s house cat.

3. Hotter than Satan’s toenails.

4. Hotter than doughnut grease at a fat man convention.

5. Hotter than a blister bug in a pepper patch.

6. Hotter than a jalapeño’s armpit.

7. Hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire.

8. Hotter than a stepmother’s kiss.

9. Hotter than hell and half of Georgia.

10. Hotter than a firecracker lit at both ends.

The staff of the News & Observer offers some answers as the mercury flirts with the century mark on Tuesday, June 19, 2018.

11. Hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue.

12. Hotter than blue blazes.

13. Hotter than a house on fire.

14. Hotter than a fire hydrant chasing a dog.

15. Hotter than 40 dammits.

16. Hotter than noon on the Fourth of July.

17. Hotter than a pepper sprout.

18. Hotter than a $2 pistol.

19. Hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.

20. Hotter than H-E double hockey sticks.

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The newsroom interns set out to see what would melt in the heat. The most promising contenders, a strawberry popsicle, chocolate gelato, and a stick of butter went head-to-head to see which would melt first.

21. Hotter than six shades of hell.

22. Hotter than the middle kettle of hell.

23. Hotter than Georgia asphalt.

24. Hotter than a depot stove.

25. Hotter than blue gin.

26. Hotter than a honeymoon hotel.

27. Hotter than high noon in Death Valley.

28. Hotter than a hoot’n poot.

29. Hotter than a steel playground at recess.

30. Hotter than a six shooter.

The Edison Johnson Recreation Center's sprayground in Durham, NC brings relief as temperatures rise into the mid-90's Monday, June 18, 2018.

31. Hotter than whoopee in woolens.

32. Hotter than a hen laying eggs.

33. Hotter than the devil’s underwear.

34. Hotter than the bottom of my laptop.

35. Hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage.

36. Hotter than July.

37. Hotter than lava.

38. Hotter than the dickens.

39. Hotter than a tin-foil sweater.

40. Hotter than two trees fighting over a dog.

Recent heat wave isn't a problem for pups at the Suite Paws Pet Resort & Spa as they enjoy their own private swimming facility.

41. Hotter than a Times Square Rolex.

42. Hotter than my coffee.

43. Hotter than Charizard’s flamethrower.

44. Hotter than a hen laying hard-boiled eggs.

45. Hotter than two rats kissing in a wool sock.

46. Hotter than a Peruvian puff pepper.

47. Hotter than a blister.

48. Hotter than the business end of a pistol.

49. Hotter than sriracha.

50. Hotter than butter on a stack of wheat cakes.

Triangle residents describe what the heat really feels like as temperatures hover around 100 with high humidity. It's also a lousy day to be a gummy bear.

51. Hotter than the hinges on the Gates of Hades.

52. Hotter than seven hells.

53. Hotter than wildfire.

54. Hotter than Satan’s mixtape.

55. Hotter than a cow giving evaporated milk.

56. Hotter than four sides of hell.

57. Hotter than Dutch love

58. Hotter than 49 barrels of hell

59. Hotter than hell’s waiting room.

60. Hotter than an egg on the hood of a Camaro.

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61. Hotter than a George Foreman Grill.

62. Hotter than a funeral procession pulling into Dairy Queen.

63. Hotter than two goats in a pepper patch.

64. Hotter than 40 hells.

65. Hotter than a volcano in an oven on self-clean mode.

66. Hotter than hell’s back kitchen.

67. Hotter than a Hot Pocket microwaved for six minutes.

68. Hotter than a preacher’s knee.

69. Hotter than fish grease.

70. Hotter than a Bunsen Burner set to full power.

71. Hotter than a snake’s butt in a wagon rut.

72. Hotter than the center of a calzone.

73. Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa (that's in Texas).

74. Hotter than the devil’s backside.

75. Hotter than two ticks on a hound dog.

76. Hotter than a cat on a tin roof.

77. Hotter than pearls in a pawn shop.

78. Hotter than a cat in heat.

79. Hotter than kimchi.

80. Hotter than five hogs in a Ford Escort.

81. Hotter than a spanked baby’s bottom.

82. Hotter than two dogs wrestling in the attic.

83. Hotter than a mess of collards on the back burner of a $4 stove.

84. Hotter than the surface of the sun.

85. Hotter than hell’s pepper patch.

86. Hotter than a ginger mill in Hades.

Josh Shaffer: 919-829-4818, @joshshaffer08
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