Celebrating Grandma’s 95th birthday in a pandemic — 6 feet apart but closer than ever

My grandma deserved an epic bash for her 95th birthday, full of her favorite things — family, belly laughs, dessert and booze.

Instead she got me, sitting six feet away on her porch while she stayed in her living room, chatting about how the coronavirus pandemic has been the strangest experience of her nine decades on Earth.

At least there was chocolate cake. And wine.

Grandma hasn’t left her house, except for walks around the neighborhood, in more than a month to protect herself from the coronavirus. She lives in Raleigh with my 71-year-old mother, who is recovering from a debilitating autoimmune disorder and is also in self-quarantine.

For me and my three siblings, our main goal has been to keep them safe and healthy. But we also worry about their mental and emotional well-being, stuck in the house together 24/7 with little connection to the world except for us.

I’m bored out of my mind, but at least I go to the grocery store sometimes. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for them.

Grandma, understandably, is worried sick about her other daughter, who lives in a nursing home. The rest of us are worried, too. Every time I see a news alert about another outbreak in a nursing home, I hold my breath and frantically hope it’s not our nursing home.

Before the pandemic, Grandma’s highlight of each week was visiting the nursing home. I often go too, serving as the driver and sometimes the referee as my grandma, mom and aunt quibble about things that happened 50 years ago. I admit, it can be very annoying.

But now, I would do just about anything for one of those visits. I desperately miss our lunch outings afterward, going through the entire menu each time at Panera Bread because no one can remember what Grandma ordered last time. It took a global health crisis to make me realize these excursions are the highlight of my week, too.

Honestly, we probably wouldn’t have done anything super special for Grandma’s birthday, even if the coronavirus hadn’t drastically limited our options. When she turned 90, we had a big celebration at a local Italian restaurant. But a lot has changed since then — my oldest brother moved across the country, and my sister is in the process of selling her house that has long served as the hub for family parties and backyard cookouts.

Hoping for a delayed celebration

When all this is over, I hope we can have a belated birthday party for her. Maybe my sister’s husband will make his family-famous grilled chicken, and my sister will make pasta salad and a berry trifle. Grandma will probably make potato salad, as she often does.

Grandma’s ultimate birthday present would be Publisher’s Clearing House showing up at her door with a big check. She talks about it all the time, what she would buy and the people she would help.

But Grandma said she had a good birthday on Thursday, and that’s what matters. I had a blast, sitting on the concrete porch and sharing a bottle of Moscato with her. (OK, two bottles, but who’s counting?) Despite social distancing, I felt closer to her than I had in a long time.

She told me she doesn’t think she will get the coronavirus, but she wants to continue being extra cautious.

“I have confidence in God, I really do,” she said. “I’m gonna live to be a hundred. You think so?

“I think so, for sure,” I replied.

“I hope so,” she said. “And I hope to be healthy — and maybe wealthy.”