Piece by piece, finding my mother’s peace amid the pandemic
Like so many other things in the past two months, this obsession was born out of a weird mix of worry and boredom, panic and general unsettledness.
After finishing all of “Tiger King” and taking yet another walk around the neighborhood one Sunday afternoon in March, my college freshman daughter and I got out the “Friends” jigsaw puzzle she had received about a year ago but never touched. It was only 300 pieces, so it didn’t take long to put together the scenes of Joey, Rachel, Phoebe and the gang.
It was a pleasant enough diversion for about an hour.
But it also felt like something a bit more to me. It was a connection to my late mother. She loved a jigsaw puzzle. And with each piece she placed, she seemed to find peace, too.
Why worry when you can laugh?
Betty Ogburn was not a worrier. She took life as it came and didn’t really sweat stuff, small or otherwise.
She enjoyed nothing more than a good laugh. And boy, was she funny, even in situations that would cause anxiety in others.
One December Saturday many years ago, Mom and a friend took a wrong turn while driving us to our small town’s Christmas parade. Instead of going to a spot to watch the parade, we actually ended up in the parade, right there with all the local dignitaries and Santa Claus. I was in the eighth grade or so at the time and can vividly recall being mortified and hiding in the floorboard of the car.
But Mom? She just laughed and waved like one of the homecoming queens. Why would you worry? Life for Mom was a fun parade. Don’t be stressed, feel free to join in.
If I’m honest, Mom’s positive attitude could drive my sister and me crazy at times as we were growing up. Like any kids, we had countless perceived problems, calamities and woes. Mom would listen kindly, then immediately put the best face possible on it — “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” And my personal favorite: “I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. And someday we’ll see the reason for this.”
Those conversations would sometimes take place over a puzzle. Whether she was hovering over a card table in the den during a snow day or taking a jigsaw break from the beach while on vacation, Mom found a moment of zen with a puzzle.
More pieces and more calm
After the relative simplicity of the “Friends” puzzle, my daughter and I moved on to a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle that was a collage of various cereal boxes.
It took us a couple of days but, for me at least, it was a welcome and relaxing respite after hours of Zoom meetings, editing stories and helping coordinate pandemic coverage.
In fairness, I must note here that not everyone experiences the same peaceful, easy feeling from a jigsaw puzzle. The third member of our quarantine household, my lovely wife, is like that. She is absolutely stressed by the idea of putting together the pieces of a puzzle.
But she’s been patient and understanding as I’ve kept one puzzle after another under construction pretty much since mid-March. And I know I’m far from alone.
Like sourdough starters and scraggly beards, jigsaw puzzles are having a moment during the COVID-19 pandemic.
White Mountain Puzzles, the New Hampshire-based company that made the cereal puzzle, is out of stock on many of its bestsellers and is taking several weeks to fill orders. And when a puzzle does become available — like the TV lunch box and movie collages I found a few weeks ago — they go fast. Some people also have set up puzzle exchanges with their friends and neighbors — dropping them off with appropriate social distancing, of course.
As we’ve moved from the Harry Potter puzzle to the psychedelic fox to the way-harder-than-it-looked “Lady and the Tramp” scene, my daughter’s interest has waned a bit.
That might be some of her mother’s influence. But me? I’m all in on puzzles. That’s just some of my mother’s influence.
‘I’m gonna be OK’
Though I miss Mom every day, this is the week where our family thinks about her even more than usual. First, there’s Mother’s Day. Also, her birthday was May 9. And she died on May 5, 10 years ago.
She battled bladder cancer off and on for about two years. She had chemotherapy. One of her kidneys was removed.
But it should come as no surprise that her attitude was positive throughout. Her mantra was “I’m gonna be OK.”
It became a family joke, of sorts. My wife suggested we all get tattoos with “I’m gonna be OK” on them. Mom nixed that idea, noting that she had gone 60-some years without a tattoo and wasn’t about to get one. We decided T-shirts might be better.
“I’m gonna be OK.” Even when we learned that the cancer had spread with a vengeance.
“I’m gonna be OK.” Even when she endured two extended stays in the hospital.
“I’m gonna be OK.” Even when hospice was called in.
It was obvious that she was failing. She wasn’t going to be OK.
But Mom wasn’t really talking about the cancer. A person of faith, she was not afraid of dying. And what’s more, she wanted to make sure that we had heard “I’m gonna be OK” so much that it sunk in. She wanted to make sure that we got it.
This became clear several hours after she died. As our family talked with my Dad about how he was doing, he replied that even though it was a sad time, he was at peace with it. “I’ll be fine,” he said. “I’m gonna be OK.”
He didn’t even realize what he had said at first, but it quickly dawned on all of us that he was now spouting Mom’s motto. For all the many gifts she left us, I think this eternal optimism is the greatest and most precious.
Lessons from a puzzle
I’m not sure what Mom would think of everything that’s going on today with the coronavirus.
She’d hate not being able to go out to eat with my Dad. She’d want to go to church and see her friends. She’d definitely miss shopping, which was another near-religious experience for her.
I also suspect she’d have that old card table set up in the den, working a puzzle and drawing lessons from it.
Don’t be overwhelmed. Just try to put together the border or one specific area first. You don’t have to solve everything at once.
Don’t get discouraged. Sometimes, when what you’re looking for seems impossible to find, it will pop up. Have faith.
Relax and stay positive. Take a breath, and with each piece that fits together, try to find a sense of peace.
This story was originally published May 6, 2020 at 2:18 PM.
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