Who won the war on Christmas? Santa and Grinch fight it out in yuletide spectacle in Cary
The Grinch climbed into the ring over a chorus of thunderous boos, eager for Christmas violence, tapping his green foot impatiently.
Then Santa burst into the room, spinning his fluffy pom-pom hat like a helicopter, raising his arms to wild applause until the nasty-wasty skunk sucker punched him on the back of the head.
And just like that, the War on Christmas began.
On Saturday night, FWE wrestling provided a yuletide spectacle completely free of goodwill or peace on Earth as the most beloved Christmas icons battled for the title of holiday champion.
A crowd of probably 200 people inside Sport HQ pumped fists and hollered with seasonal bloodlust as the grappler dressed as Kris Kringle squared off against an opponent in a full-body Grinch suit, taking shots straight to his twinkling eyes.
In the opening minutes, it appeared Christmas would be canceled as St. Nick got pummeled so thoroughly that the Grinch yanked off his hat, then his beard, then his curly white wig — leaving Santa a dizzy, sputtering wreck while dozens of faithful children screamed themselves hoarse.
“No, darlin’,” said Susan Davis to her granddaughter Emeline, a furious 8-year-old at ringside. “You can’t get in there and get the Grinch. I know you want to.”
After beat down by the Grinch, Santa rallies
But then Santa rallied, buoyed by eggnog and a rabid Christmas spirit.
He reached beneath the ring and pulled out a folding table long enough to serve 20 middle-schoolers, and when he climbed back in the ring, his eyes glowed red with holiday wrath.
“We wanted to give the kids what they wanted,” said announcer Steve Pond, with a wink.
With the crowd in full frenzy, Santa pulled on his beard, and with his dignity restored, smacked his green nemesis across the kisser. It mattered not one bit that the Grinch’s heart had grown three sizes, because at this point, Santa’s biceps had grown thicker than a reindeer’s haunches.
The Grinch, knowing the end was near and Christmas would most certainly come, splayed out on the folding table in defeat.
But Santa had not finished. He climbed onto the ropes, raised his arms in yuletide victory, and as the children roared back their approval, dived onto the Grinch’s lifeless body and busted the table in two.
“He is amazing,” said Dolores Sutton, a sixth-grader. “He brings me my favorite gifts. And he knows how to punch.”
Christmas will come, even in the darkest times
The Grinch lay crumpled on the mat, motionless for 10 minutes enduring the crowd’s taunting. He finally stood and wobbled away.
Santa too much to handle?
“A little bit,” he croaked.
The crowd left with faith restored, knowing that Christmas will come even in the darkest times, and that heroes may shake when they laugh, like a bowl full of jelly, but they will bust out a set of righteous fists if the situation so requires.
Woe to the unbelievers.
