Mother overcomes rare autoimmune disease, graduates college at 49

On graduation day, Darla Ray wept.

Thirty years had passed since the Fort Worth woman took her first college course, and now the tears would not stop.

Not when she slipped on the green graduation gown on a recent afternoon or when her youngest daughter helped her across the stage at the University of North Texas. Not when she embraced her parents or when her oldest daughter flew in from North Carolina and surprised her at the ceremony.

“Aside from having my babies, it was literally the best day of my life,” said Ray, 49. “I cried because I knew the struggle, and I knew what this took to get here. I had the sense all day that I was watching a video of someone who had overcome a lot of challenges.”

A rare autoimmune disease

At first, the pain started slowly.

Ray’s muscles and skin ached, then breathing became difficult. Most nights, she needed an Aleve to fall asleep, and soon she needed another to get out of bed in the morning.

Doctors told her she would likely live only a couple more years because of dermatomyositis with pulmonary fibrosis, a rare autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the skin, muscles, connective tissue and vital organs.

Ray knew she might not see her two daughters, Whitney and Whitley, graduate from high school. She was so weak she could not pick up a glass or comb her hair. Depressed and bedridden, Ray said, she got the spark of an idea to return to college.

“I had to find a reason to live and get out of bed, or I knew I wouldn’t live much longer,” Ray said. “My daughters were my primary motivation, and I decided that college would be my next reason. I had nothing to lose.”

Heading off to college

Ray had first enrolled at what was then Tarrant County Junior College in 1984 but dropped out when she got married and became a mother. The family moved to a military base in Alaska, but Ray returned to Fort Worth after she and her husband divorced.

For years after the divorce, money was tight. Ray worked at Daystar television network and instilled in her children that they were expected to go to college. To afford activities for her children, she also worked odd jobs, like cleaning the dance studio where her daughter took lessons.

“You do what you have to do,” she said.

But after her diagnosis in 2009, Ray could no longer work. She mustered the strength to enroll in one class at the renamed Tarrant County College and slowly added to her schedule.

In 2013, she followed her older daughter, Whitney, to UNT in Denton, where she majored in rehabilitation studies. Her younger daughter, Whitley, soon joined them at UNT.

Ray decided to move to campus and live in UNT’s Traditions Hall in the fall of 2014, in part because she wanted to experience the full college life and also because her health made it difficult to commute. First, she asked her daughters if they would mind.

Known as “Mama D”

Whitley said she initially worried what it would be like to attend college with her mother, but those concerns soon eased. Her mother sought to give her and her sister plenty of space, and she enjoyed having her mother close.

“This was her opportunity to live out a dream,” Whitley said. “How could I say no? And honestly, it has been pretty great to have this time together.”

On campus, Ray made many friends who seek her advice or just stop by her dorm room to chat or hang out. Known as “Mama D,” she is often seen riding her motorized scooter, which she calls “Hot Wheels,” around campus.

“Everyone is drawn to her. She just has one of those personalities,” said Ashton Gregory, a classmate who is also studying rehabilitation counseling. “She is supportive and encouraging. Everyone knows Darla and loves to be around her.”

Mikayla Kim, who is majoring in technical writing, met Ray as part of a group project in a writing class, and the two immediately connected. Ray does not talk much about her chronic pain or health, Kim said.

“Darla wants to know everything about you and how you’re doing,” Kim said. “But she is pretty private about her own struggles.”

‘This is about resilience’

Ray has already begun working on a graduate degree in rehabilitation counseling and wants to help others who have debilitating diseases.

She said she never would have succeeded without her parents, Hilda and Cecil Ray, who cook and clean for her when she is too weak, and her daughters. Whitney, 23, graduated from UNT and now lives in North Carolina, where she works for Teach for America. Whitley, 19, is a sophomore in fashion merchandising at UNT.

Chronic pain still plagues Ray, and she must lie down several times a day. Her skin aches and bruises easily, and her family is raising money to purchase a van with a wheelchair lift, so she can commute more easily between Denton and Fort Worth, where she still maintains her home. She still lives on campus, however.

Ray said she does not want the pain to define her.

“This is about resilience. We all make decisions that take us down different paths,” she said. “Never think it’s too late to get back to your original purpose. You can find your path again.”

This story was originally published December 22, 2015 at 11:15 AM with the headline "Mother overcomes rare autoimmune disease, graduates college at 49."