How are you? Maybe you’re not fine.

We ask people how they are doing on a daily basis—friends, co-workers, cashiers at the grocery store. It’s part of our daily cultural routine. No matter what, though, the answer is always the same: “Good, thanks” or “I’m fine, and you?” How often is this how we really feel?

In the last few months, I have had a lot of changes in my personal life, and some of the time I have not felt remotely OK. But still I put on my smile for the day and say, “I’m fine, and you?” It is not because I am some pathological liar, but more because it is scary to be vulnerable when there is no way to know how the people around you will respond.

But what if this was not the case?

What if we, as a society, could be honest and tell people that we have been feeling lonely, anxious, scared, etc.? Sure, the barista at the local coffee shop may not know how to respond to this flood of honesty and our coworker might just smile and nod as they quickly return to their office. But I am curious about how practicing honest expression, if only in a brief and casual way, could make it OK to not be OK.

Our current culture of stifled feelings, encouraged by the desire for privacy or fear of judgment, makes it less acceptable for others to share their true state of being. I also believe this lack of transparency contributes to less intimacy, loneliness, and, in some cases, depression and suicide.

I have often felt the need to hide my feelings for fear people will judge my ability to perform or meet commitments because I am emotionally “unstable” or “overwhelmed.” I also worry that people I love may feel they cannot come to me with their own issues because I am too busy with my own problems. The reality is that there are many who do respond this way when difficulties or negative emotions are expressed, but it is not everyone.

While I believe most people do not fall into this group, this culture of non-sharing is controlled by those who are actively against honest expression, and perpetuated by those who are complicit in its power. They make it difficult to express how we really feel. Because we cannot always know who will be receptive to our honest emotions and we have been taught that specific things are inappropriate to discuss in certain settings, we keep the status quo of “I’m fine, and you?”

How freeing could it be to challenge this daily narrative and respond with “I’ve actually had a really challenging week. Thank you for asking.” I am not suggesting everyone should share their whole story with perfect strangers, but this small act of vulnerability could make a difference to someone who is struggling and feels they are alone in their experience.

Everyone faces hardship in some way – it is part of the human experience. Sharing those hardships builds a network of shared experiences with the people around us. The radical practice of honest expression could humanize those who we see as rivals, create lasting and more intimate relationships with those around us, or even save lives.

I challenge you to test out the practice of honest expression. Be vulnerable, be radical in whatever way feels comfortable for you. Maybe you will make a friend. Maybe you will make someone feel less alone. Maybe that person will be you.

This story was originally published July 25, 2018 at 6:40 PM.