I have to admit, coffee came outta my nose when I read the name President Donald Trump chose for the military operation to keep those worn-out, rag-tag refugee families from entering the United States at our border with Mexico.
Operation Faithful Patriot hits all the dog whistles, doesn’t it? But, really, why stop there? I guess Operation White Privileged AF Faithful Patriot was deemed a bit on the nose by the president’s advisors.
The name was chosen to underscore this is how faithful patriots behave. That makes sense. It’s like Jesus always said: “If y’all so much as try to cross that border, Ima make sure there are 5,200 reasons why you might decide that’s a bad idea, capiche?”
I know, right? Who knew Jesus was Italian?
But a funny thing happened on the way to scaring the hell out of Americans. The Republicans overplayed their hand.
To underscore the danger— coming in months and maybe down to a few especially tough grandmothers by then— Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen was interviewed on the border dressed in a sleeveless logo vest and sunglasses and sounding quite ominous.
Wow. Those brown people better watch out. The Swiss Miss cocoa girl is fixin’ to talk some serious smack.
When the interview drew a collective “meh, but why do I suddenly want cocoa?” Fox News developed a new talking point: If you’re not upset about brown children with no shoes, what about…SMALLPOX?!? Matters not that smallpox was eradicated in 1977, apparently those diabolical refugee families are determined to come here and infect U.S. taxpayers. Also, and you gotta love this, Fox says they’re bringing LEPROSY.
Frankly, I’d like to be part of a race so strong they can walk hundreds and hundreds of miles day after day in search of a safer life for themselves and their family all while infected with smallpox and/or watching their limbs drop off from leprosy. Put down your tiki torch, Bubba, I think we’ve found the real super race.
It may take a while to see just how Operation Faithful Patriot turns out. To tell the truth, I’ve always been in awe of the names chosen for American military operations. It’s the same way I admire the clever names for OPI’s nail polish line. Your Desert Storm is their Teal the Cows Come Home. It takes a special creativity to capture that perfect blend of morale booster and patriotism or, in OPI’s case, silver and bronze for Baroque But Still Shopping.
Operations Urgent Fury (Grenada), Just Cause (Panama), Beastmaster (Baghdad) and Neptune Spear (SEALS taking out Bin Laden) were all good but my personal fave has to be Operation Viking Snatch (Iraq, 2007).
Trump fancies himself a genius at branding so you should expect to be hearing about Operation Faithful Patriot at every rally and reading about it in his tweets in the next few weeks to months. I say months because the leprosy could seriously slow things down. (“Rosalita, pick up your feet! No, really!”)