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Opinion

Sing to forget your least favorite things

By Mike Kerrigan
This photo provided by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment shows, from left, Julie Andrews, as Maria, Kym Karath, as Gretl, Duane Chase, as Kurt, and Chairmian Carr, as Liesl, in a scene during the song, “Do-Re-Mi” from the film, “The Sound of Music.” The 1965 Oscar-winning film adaptation of the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical “The Sound of Music” is celebrating its 50th birthday this year. To honor the milestone, 20th Century Fox is releasing a five-disc Blu-ray/DVD/Digital HD collector’s edition, the soundtrack is being re-released, the film will be screened at the TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood later this month and to over 500 movie theaters in April 2015. (AP Photo/Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment)
This photo provided by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment shows, from left, Julie Andrews, as Maria, Kym Karath, as Gretl, Duane Chase, as Kurt, and Chairmian Carr, as Liesl, in a scene during the song, “Do-Re-Mi” from the film, “The Sound of Music.” The 1965 Oscar-winning film adaptation of the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical “The Sound of Music” is celebrating its 50th birthday this year. To honor the milestone, 20th Century Fox is releasing a five-disc Blu-ray/DVD/Digital HD collector’s edition, the soundtrack is being re-released, the film will be screened at the TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood later this month and to over 500 movie theaters in April 2015. (AP Photo/Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment) AP

North Carolina’s stay-at-home order has been modified, leaving us freer to leave our homes and move about our fair city. Uptown. NoDa. SoPa (South Park). SoSoPa (South of South Park). We should be elated, yet if you’re like me, you advance with the timidity of a housecat on bubble wrap. Why?

The best I can do is analogize to theater, specifically, the time my wife Devin and I emerged from a tedious performance of Eugene O’Neill’s “The Iceman Cometh”. Then, as now, I had been cooped up against my will for so long I’d almost forgotten what had brought me indoors in the first place.

Devin enjoyed it, but she also enjoyed “Cats” so keep that in mind. The play began in daylight and ended after sundown. So, too, now, do I re-enter a world darker than the one I left. But theater does more than analogize. It points the way forward in uncertain times, for what we’re experiencing right now is being felt nearly everywhere.

With its power to remind of our common humanity, song can unite the world’s scattered souls. Ah, but what song? Opera works in Italy and Billy Joel plays well in New York, but we North Carolinians need to think bigger if we are going to lift hearts all around the world.

The way I see it, there’s a puncher’s chance a great many are familiar with “My Favorite Things,” Maria von Trapp’s unforgettable number from “The Sound of Music”. Problem is, the COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t exactly leave people not named Julie Andrews wanting to croon about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

So we’ve got the melody but not the lyrics: Where does that leave us? I’ll tell you where, North Carolina. With all due respect to the great Rodgers and Hammerstein, I give you an updated version of “My Favorite Things”:

Not touching my face despite the strong urging

Washing my hands like a retentive surgeon

Locked inside far from azaleas of spring

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

Absence of baseball and games I can root on

Not leaving home without a HAZMAT suit on

Watching my pension sprout cartoon-like wings

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

Spending my days feeling sullen and grouchy

Gloom that won’t lift ‘till it’s time for Doc Fauci

Waiting for Amazon my door to ping

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

When the Dow falls

When the news stings

When I’m feeling sad

I try to forget all my least favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad

Eating burnt toast made of bread that is stale

Day’s social highlight is getting the mail

Teenagers home with the joy all that brings

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

Helping the kiddos with tele-school classes

While in a mask that just fogs up my glasses

To my leg meanwhile the spaniel-pup clings

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

Truth setting in how this thing is no jokey

Wondering if I’ll again karaoke

Stuck with a hairstyle fit for Tiger King

These aren’t a few of my favorite things

When the Dow falls

When the news stings

When I’m feeling sad

I try to forget all my least favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad (Repeat)

Think of this as a ballad for our times, a cri de coeur for all we’ve endured - and will endure still - before better days return. Who knows? Maybe laughter truly is the best medicine.

I think it just might be, but let me know if you disagree. In that event, I’ll shut my von Trapp.



Mike Kerrigan, a Charlotte attorney, is a regular contributer to the Opinion pages.



This story was originally published May 26, 2020 at 5:00 AM with the headline "Sing to forget your least favorite things."

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