Why Americans value marriage, even while remaining single

The Supreme Court ruling last week that everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, has a right to marry comes at an ironic time in our country’s history. That’s because while a relatively small segment of the population seeks the right to marry, a much larger segment of the population is forgoing that same right.

Marriage rates are at an all-time low, and nearly 42 million American adults – 1 in 5 – are not married. Rates are even lower among the less-educated and African-Americans. A recent study suggested that if trends continue, by 2050, nearly 25 percent of Americans will have never married.

So in light of these statistics, some may wonder whether same-sex couples just waged a war for an obsolete institution.

Obviously, those who battled for same-sex marriage don’t think so. They fought long and hard to make it a reality.

As someone who studies social and economic differences in family formation patterns in America, I would argue that, marriage numbers to the contrary, most heterosexual Americans also highly value marriage. I don’t mean that just married Americans value marriage, but also that unmarried Americans value marriage.

How can this be? Many sociologists have found that people put a very high value on marriage because it demonstrates that a couple has achieved a set of emotional and economic requirements. Emotionally, marriage means that the couple has found a soul mate, a person who will satisfy nearly every need. Financially, marriage means the couple has achieved a set of economic milestones – careers (not just jobs) for both partners, enough money to have a nice wedding and hopefully enough savings for a down payment on a house.

Meeting these requirements can be difficult, especially if you are low income and live in areas where there aren’t many economically viable partners. But the very scarcity of marriageable partners simply demonstrates its importance – finding someone who is “marriage-worthy” is quite an achievement.

And while people are searching for that perfect partner, they can still do all those things for which they used to need marriage. They can live in romantic relationships, enjoy sexual intimacy and raise children. In other words, they can do what we used to think of as “marriage-only behaviors” without being married. And they can continue to search for that perfect spouse, although many never find one.

The high value of marriage will eventually extend to millennials, even though, relative to generation Xers and baby boomers, they tell pollsters otherwise. Many commentators have taken that as a sign that marriage is on its way out. But we also know that transitioning to adulthood has become a drawn-out process, and many things that used to happen during one’s 20s now happen in one’s 30s (think about all the millennials who still live with their parents). Moving into adulthood just takes longer. Today’s 33-year-old is yesterday’s 23-year-old.

So while a 25-year-old may not put much stock in marriage, I don’t believe that the 25-year-old-turned-35 will say the same thing. My guess is that using today’s attitudes on marriage to predict future marriage behavior is pretty inaccurate.

As long as marriage can hold on to its symbolic value – that being married means something – people will continue to marry. There is a reason why people get premarital counseling, and not pre-cohabiting counseling. Marriage is a big step, and people know that. And to many people, that meaning is valuable, even if they aren’t walking down the aisle.

This story was originally published July 2, 2015 at 3:36 PM with the headline "Why Americans value marriage, even while remaining single."