I fear for my country. What’s a die-hard Republican voter to do?

I have voted in every presidential election since 1980, when Ronald Reagan was running against Jimmy Carter. I have followed the candidates and tried my best to keep abreast of their policies so I can vote in an informed manner. I have voted Republican in every election so far, and I have been a staunch member of the Republican Party. I have seen things that make me proud to be part of that party, and things that make me ashamed.

This presidential race has finally convinced me that I am so ashamed of the Republican Party that I have to change my affiliation. To what? The only choice left to me is unaffiliated.

Unfortunately, I have to decide in November for whom to vote, and the two choices are both so abhorrent to me that I would really rather stay home, hide my head in the sand and turn off all forms of media for the next four years. Hillary Clinton stands for everything that I’m against. She’s pro-choice; I’m pro-life. She’s for government health care; I’m not. I don’t believe she has the ability to run this country, and if she wins, I believe that she will take us so far into danger that we will have a hard time recovering from her administration.

Clinton made a mess of her role as secretary of state. I don’t trust her, and I believe that while trying to wrap herself in the mantle of wanting the best for this country, at heart she wants the best for Hillary Clinton & family.

But Donald Trump has put the crowning glory on the mockery that I believe the American political system has become. He seems to know absolutely nothing about policies and has apparently had no desire to take a 1.5-year cram course. Each day brings new and fresh insight into his woeful lack of character. Trump is so fixated on himself that he seems to have no awareness of the fact that this election is Trump against Clinton. It’s not Trump against McCain, or Trump against Paul Ryan, or Trump against the parents of Muslim soldiers who died in service of this country. He’s so self-fixated that he is blinded to the fact that he’s made this election Trump against Trump.

In the meantime, he has torn the Republican Party to shreds, making it close to impossible to keep Hillary Clinton out of the White House. And if, by some act of divine intervention Trump does win, I fear for this country at least as much as I do if Clinton wins.

What will I do when I actually get to the voting booth? I have no clue. I know I cannot vote for Clinton. Up till recently, I had determined that I was going to hold my nose and blacken the box in front of Trump’s name, but each day that goes by makes that possibility less and less likely. I don’t know if I can do it. I might have to resort to a write-in, which I know is tantamount to a vote for Clinton.

This is the first presidential election for which I have gone to the wire, not knowing what I’m going to do when it’s my turn to record my voice.

Donald J. Trump has discombobulated the system to such an extreme that I fear for what this country is going to look like in the immediate future. Something he said recently I believe sums up his character in one short sentence. “If I lose, it’s OK. I go back to a very good way of life.”

Yes, Mr. Trump does go back to a very good way of life – but what he apparently fails to grasp is that running for president isn’t about enhancing his life personally – it’s about service to the life of this country and all Americans.

This story was originally published August 17, 2016 at 4:45 PM with the headline "I fear for my country. What’s a die-hard Republican voter to do?."