A friend’s shooting death not just bad end to private relationship

On the night of Oct. 6, our friend Raluca Iosif was shot to death in front of her home in Durham. Her brother was shot and seriously wounded before the killer committed suicide. Like many of Raluca’s friends, we are trying to make sense not only of this tragic loss, but also of what happened.

In the case of Raluca, the media have, for perhaps many reasons, depicted this incident as inexplicable and incomprehensible – a case of domestic violence. But incidents such as her killing can be better understood in the context of particular forms of violence largely against women, though data collection and compilation are unfortunately incomplete.

Raluca was apparently the victim of what is becoming known as “break-up violence.” To our knowledge, there is no careful and comprehensive study of this type of violence. However, Canadian police statistics compiled in 2008 show that women accounted for 8 in 10 dating violence victims known to police, and that it peaks for ages 30 to 34 but remains high in the 35- to 39-year-old age group. The media, police and public often conflate marital and noncommitted intimate partner violence. Nondomestic relationship violence is categorized as “domestic” violence or a “domestic dispute.” We need more accurate terminology and better national- and local- level statistics in the U.S.

In fact, leaving may well be the most dangerous time in a relationship. Existing data suggest that women are 70 times more likely to be murdered in the two weeks after leaving than at any other time during a relationship. In a pattern of possessiveness, power and control, the abuser’s violence in the face of a partner’s rejection or leaving can be seen as an attempt to paradoxically regain control by destroying both the partner who initiated the break-up and himself. The easy availability of guns seriously exacerbates the risks of fatal violence.

Raluca’s killing happened in the context of a dating relationship. In North Carolina, dating violence (as a subset of domestic violence) is against the law. Murder is a violent crime. Aggravated assault on Raluca’s brother also was a crime. This is not simply a bad end to a private relationship. It is not merely a private issue. It is a public, societal issue. The media have a responsibility to offer more than family reflections on the killer’s reported dreams and aspirations.

Violence against women constitutes a global endemic threat to their health and human rights. We need advocacy and public education in its local forms. Improving media coverage, police statistics and public scrutiny of – and communication about – the dynamics, prevalence, risks and possible consequences of dating- and break-up violence, and the techniques and available resources for leaving safely, would likely contribute to recognizing, and possibly better preventing, these problems. These might help women who want to leave controlling and dangerous relationships to do so safely.

Locally, resources such as the Durham Crisis Response Center and the NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence provide support to women.

Our friend Raluca Iosif lost her life caught in the confluence of two powerful societal problems: violence against women and gun violence. These problems must be further analyzed, understood, discussed differently and addressed. To do this, the public needs, and has a right to, accurate information and dedicated resources.

This story was originally published October 12, 2015 at 5:21 PM with the headline "A friend’s shooting death not just bad end to private relationship."