‘To know him was to love him’: Community mourns Raleigh drum major killed in crossfire

A week after a shooting in Raleigh caught a man in deadly crossfire, friends and family are mourning the loss of Charlie Debnam.

The 31-year-old was taking a break from helping to manage food donations last Saturday at Helping Hand Mission on Rock Quarry Road when he got caught in a shootout between occupants of two cars.

Debnam, “CeCe” to friends and family, was a natural performer, a leader and an endlessly kind member of the community, who dazzled audiences as a drum major at parades and devoted his time to aiding loved ones and strangers alike.

“A lot of people are going to miss him,” said Sarah Debnam, his cousin. “Not just his family and friends.”

‘Everybody in the community is hurting right now.’

When Debnam arrived at the mission Saturday, food donations were scattered and disorganized. He quickly got to work managing the donations, then helped give out food and fans to people in need, said Sylvia Wiggins, the executive director.

Debnam, who performed with the mission’s marching band, had volunteered there for years.

Sometime before 7:30 p.m. he stepped out to buy a drink from a store across the street. Wiggins asked him to get her a Gatorade.

“I pulled out my purse to get some money, and he said, ‘That’s OK. I got you,’” she said.

A few minutes later, Wiggins thought she heard fireworks.

In audio released by the Raleigh Police Department, a 911 caller described seeing occupants of two cars shooting at one another. A man walking by had been shot and was lying on the side of the street, the caller said.

That man was Debnam.

He died at the hospital, a police spokesperson said.

Sarah Debnam lives in Los Angeles now, but said she has been in close touch with her family since the shooting.

“Everybody in the community is hurting right now,” she said. “He was just a huge, huge part of our lives.”

A fundraiser to support Debnam’s family at bit.ly/2VyfHF5 had raised nearly $10,000 by Friday afternoon.

‘He was that guy.’

Dana Barnes, a long-time family friend, said Debnam always helped those around him.

Whether it was setting up her family’s tents in the rain on a camping trip, or driving an hour to help open a locked medication cart when she ran an assisted living facility, she could call on Debnam.

“He was that guy, that would just help with anything that he saw,” she said.

Sarah Debnam said, living in L.A., she knew she could rely on Debnam if her mother, who still lives in the area, needed help around the house, mowing her lawn or anything else. He took after his mother, giving back to the community, she said.

“He didn’t deserve any of this,” she said.

Debnam was funny, outspoken and “unapologetically himself.” Growing up in Raleigh, she said, there weren’t many people at the time who identified as LGBTQ+. But Debnam was always proud of who he was, she said.

He was also a talented singer, who sang often in his church’s choir, she added.

When they were younger, Sarah Debnam said her cousin and three of his siblings would sing together like The Jackson 5, “but there was only four of them.”

“He was dynamite,” Wiggins said of his performances. “He was explosive.”

Debnam loved being part of the marching band. When CAM Raleigh, the art museum, had its grand opening, Debnam was there to perform.

Sarah Debnam said she thinks of the mission as “a huge family” to the community, and said it’s the first place she turned to donate furniture when moving. Over time the family developed a relationship with the mission, she said.

For her cousin, the organization was “a perfect match.”

“The fact that they have this awesome outlet for kids to come in and play music and perform, and be a huge part of Raleigh,” she said. “He just gravitated towards that.”

‘To know him was to really love him.’

Wiggins said Debnam wanted to work in the medical field. The day he died, he told her he was going to try to reapply for medical school on Monday, she said.

She said she’s felt depressed since the shooting.

“To know him was to really love him,” Wiggins said. “He didn’t even know who killed him. He didn’t have no beef with nobody.”

Barnes knew Debnam for over 20 years.

“I lost my husband some years back, but since then I’ve been able to accept other people’s deaths,” she said. “This was hard because I haven’t known anybody to lose their child.”

When she first heard about the shooting, her immediate concern was for his family and his parents. But the day after, as she looked through photos of him on Facebook, the initial shock faded and the pain hit.

“Even though he was 30, you remember them the way you met them,” Barnes said. She still remembers Debnam as the young boy who would play with her daughter. “It’s been hard, but you try to be strong for (the family).“

Sarah Debnam said she was making music when her mother called her.

“Our family doesn’t deserve to go through this,” she said. “Black lives do matter, and it’s not just the typical thing we hear about police brutality. It’s also within our own community.”

She hopes the city will do more to get guns off the street and invest in mental health and support for those struggling.

Debnam was like a brother to her, she said.

“I hate that he is now a story, but I want people to know that his life does matter,” she said. “His family loves him, and we are hurt, and even though this keeps happening, it is not acceptable. Something has to be done.”

Raleigh police ask those with information about the shooting to contact Raleigh CrimeStoppers at 919-834-HELP, or raleighcrimestoppers.org. Those who provide anonymous tips leading to an arrest can earn a cash reward.

This story was originally published August 7, 2021 at 2:08 PM.