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‘Bachelor’ recap, Week 5: Did the bickering break Colton?

Colton Underwood on Season 23 of “The Bachelor” on ABC.
Colton Underwood on Season 23 of “The Bachelor” on ABC. ABC

After three straight weeks of some fairly intense story lines surrounding our North Carolina contestant Caelynn Miller-Keyes of Charlotte, Week 5 of “The Bachelor” gave some of the other women pursuing former NFL linebacker Colton Underwood a little room to shine.

Our recaps are primarily focused on Caelynn, the 2018 Miss North Carolina USA, so we won’t spend a ton of time detailing all the other women.

But we’ll hit the highlights.

It all started with the gang traveling to Thailand, where Never Been Kissed Heather got the first one-on-one date.

Totally Been Kissed

I can sum this up really quickly. Never Been Kissed Heather really really really wanted Colton to kiss her on this date. They discussed it and he gave her a rose and told her he “respects” her. It wasn’t looking good.

Then they went for a walk on the beach and there was a bonfire and fireworks. Literally, the most kiss-friendly setting on earth.

I’ve never been so tense in all my life. Would he kiss her?!? Thank the sweet lord that he did. I was genuinely thrilled for her.

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Caelynn Miller-Keyes in the Jan. 14 episode of “The Bachelor” on ABC. Rick Rowell ABC

Later days

You know who wasn’t thrilled for Heather? Elyse.

Elyse appeared to be coming undone due to the fact that she thought she had something really special with Colton and (gasp) he is dating other women. Poor Totally Been Kissed Heather was telling the other women about how special it was and Elyse got up and walked out.

For a minute, it looked like Elyse was going to Virginia Woolf right into the ocean.

But instead she Glenn Close’d right into Colton’s beach house and told him she could not share him with other women and she had to leave the island.

She and her gauzy statement dress got into a big black van and just like that, she was gone — and Colton was shook.

Welcome to the jungle

The group date, which included Caelynn and her Miss USA rival Hannah B. (the 2018 Miss Alabama USA), took place in a jungle, where the women were asked to go “outside their comfort zone.” We know right away this will mean eating, drinking and touching gross stuff.

They were introduced to giant snakes, slimy eels and creepy scorpions, then divided into three teams and instructed to go out and find “food” (bugs and such). Caelynn’s team found banana plants, water and something that crawled out of a towel and hit the ground running.

The team with Hannah B. and Demi left the jungle and brought back cheeseburgers and champagne. They did not “win” the challenge. Or did they?

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Caelynn Miller-Keyes, the 2018 Miss North Carolina USA, with Colton Underwood on Season 23 of “The Bachelor” on ABC. Rick Rowell ABC

Escape from Miami

Later at the post-jungle cocktail party, Hannah B. kinda went for it and told Colton that she’s falling in love with him.

And because there must be drama, Onyeka told Colton that Elyse told her that Nicole told her that she (Nicole) was only there to find an opportunity to get out of Miami. Colton confronted Nicole, Nicole denied it and cried.

Meanwhile Tayshia told the group that she was present for that Nicole conversation and she never actually said that.

Oops.

As for the date rose, the “falling in love” stuff worked for Hannah B. and she got the date rose.

Cassie’s one-on-one date

Cassie and Colton smooched on a boat, smooched on a desert island, smooched in the ocean, smooched over dinner and smooched in his bed. So yeah, he gave her the date rose and told her that he’s “crazy” about her.

(Everyone has noticed the chemistry between Cassie and Colton. Caelynn noted that “it doesn’t feel good.”)

He’ll give you something to cry about

Nicole told Colton to not believe Onyeka’s Miami lies. Colton was all, it’s OK I know you’re cool. Then she went on, telling him that Onyeka has been bullying her. This is called not being able to leave well enough alone.

At this point, Colton must feel like he’s running a preschool — and he’s over it. He confronted Onyeka and Onyeka responded with, “lies!” and then tore Nicole down more.

Then Onyeka went to get Nicole and they argued. And argued. And argued.

Hannah B. said, “Praise the lord I’m not in the drama this time.”

Onyeka and Nicole argued so loudly that Colton heard them from way over where he was trying to have some private time with Katie. Colton went over to referee, in full “angry dad” mode.

Then dad pulled that cocktail party over, got out and walked away. He was done!

There was no cocktail party, no roses, just an ominous “To be continued” message on the screen.

Next week

“The Bachelor” airs at 8 p.m. Mondays on ABC.

Previous ‘Bachelor’ coverage

Learn more about this season’s North Carolina contestants Caelynn Miller-Keyes and Nina Bartula.

Our recap of Week 1 of ‘The Bachelor,’ when the women met Colton for the first time.

Our recap of Week 2, when we got the first indications of discord between Miss North Carolina USA and Miss Alabama USA.

Our recap of Week 3, when the battle between Miss North Carolina USA and Miss Alabama USA really caught fire.

Our recap of Week 4, when Caelynn told Colton about the trauma of being raped in college.

And going back to the previous season, here’s all of our coverage of Raleigh’s Jenna Cooper, from “The Bachelor” (Arie Season) and “Bachelor in Paradise.”

Raleigh's Jenna Cooper talks about life on ABC's "The Bachelor" in February 2018.

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