Bill Church column: Hit the road, Jack says. Nah, we’ll pass. Here’s a few reasons why.
A recent reader email started this way:
Hello Bill,
Screw you. Why don’t you and your wife get the hell out of Raleigh.
From there, Jack’s message deteriorated.
I’m not concerned nor offended.
Maybe it’s decades of hearing from guys like Jack who are convinced my pants remain perpetually on fire.
Maybe it’s because Jack doesn’t know that my wife is a kind human being and well-liked by all of the neighbors and their dogs. Why would anyone want her to go away?
Maybe it’s because Jack started with a warm greeting AND kindly gave us the option of getting the hell out of Raleigh. (I’m thinking the real Jack is an Airbnb super host who leaves wrapped mints for guests.)
No reason to blame Jack. This could be attributed to mistaken identity and misinterpreted intentions. It’s happened before.
Someone recently stopped me on Fayetteville Street in downtown Raleigh and asked if I was a celebrity. (Do I look like a former All-ACC guard? Or local meteorologist? Or Scotty McCreery?)
Oh, and he asked for money. (Remember, I was on Fayetteville Street.)
Yes, Jack might have been agitated. And you can’t be too careful these days.
I responded to Jack with a have-a-nice-day message. My inbox has been Jack-free since then.
But if he pushes the question. I’m happy to tell Jack why we’re going to decline his opportunity:
Hello, Jack.
Unfortunately — and thanks for your insistence that this is our decision — we’re not ready to leave OR get the hell out of Raleigh.
So many reasons, but here are five:
The State Fair. The second weekend is the busiest, and this will be our first time. The News & Observer’s coverage has ranged from plump pumpkins to deep-fried fun. (Because a West Virginia pumpkin won, I understand if you have concerns about border crossings.)
Barbecue. Food writer Drew Jackson recently identified 64 of North Carolina’s finest barbecue joints. We have 61 places still to go.
Hiking trails. We love to be outdoors. But we haven’t scratched writer/columnist Josh Shaffer’s list of best hikes in the Triangle.
College basketball. We’ve been to Reynolds Coliseum. We still have Cameron Indoor Stadium and the Dean Dome on the buckets list. (Get it, Jack, buckets?)
The local economy. We pay taxes. We shop locally. We dine locally. The economic multiplier effect implies my dollar could be your dollar. We’re practically cousins.
If it’s any consolation, we plan to take the train to Charlotte for a Panthers game. Shouldn’t that be punishment enough for moving here?
And I struggled through our first pollen season in the Triangle. That should make you feel better about us … staying?
Please take this in the spirit it’s intended, Jack. We’re just not ready to leave.
And about the other line in your email — requesting that I go to hell — well, it’s not totally my decision.
Have a nice day, Jack.
Bill Church is executive editor of The News & Observer. He wears Ray-Bans when strolling downtown and occasionally gets mistaken for a Blues Brothers.
